Kink-trospection

Read time: 6 minutes.

“Dick for Brains” sticker by Kevin Whitman available here.

Oh, 2020, You Salty Slut.

As we approach The Butthole of The Solar Cycle - December 23rd - the longest and darkest day of the year, we also find ourselves in another lockdown here in Toronto. This year has been a big cock-blockin’ bummer for most of us but it has also presented some great opportunity for growth and introspection to those who are interested. For most sex workers, social isolation and financial uncertainty are familiar elements of daily life so when the pandemic hit in March, I felt like I was eerily prepared.

Things like learning to work from home, connecting with / making friends online, maintaining discipline without external structure, dealing with anxiety, uncertainty and taking full responsibility for my health have been a part of my daily life since I began working for myself, full-time in 2015. I feel like I’ve had a huge, serendipitous advantage during Das Dümpsterfïre (commonly known as the year 2020) and now I’d like to share my secrets with you. This post serves as both my final-farewell-fuck-you to this horrible year and a lovely Christmas present to anyone who takes the time to peep my journal - Enjoy!

#1: Be a Good Bud To Yourself

Hey - would you just stop being a raging quiff to yourself already?! GOOD LORD! You’ll be spending lots of time alone so you best learn how to be a good time - and quick. Life is too short to be a gloomy-ass, party pooper - get it together. Start a simple mindfulness practice by just listening to your inner monologue and taking note. Many of us are truly horrible to ourselves internally, berating ourselves in the most inhumane ways - Seriously, Cut That Shit Out! Ask yourself honestly if you would talk to a loved one the way you talk to yourself. If the answer is no, it’s time to stop or to (at least) add in a positive, counter voice.

When isolated, our inner monologue becomes amplified, skewing our perception of reality. You’ve got to get it under control if you want to have a good time. Likely, the negative things you’re telling yourself aren’t even facts, they’re opinions, therefore they are technically up for debate. Become the devil's advocate in your own head, ask whether that negative voice is being objective or subjective; it’s likely the latter. Tell yourself you’re doing your best, you’re doing a good job, you’re a good person.

Force yourself to celebrate milestones and congratulate yourself for doing all of this - it’s very hard! There’s a reason most people find a comfort zone and stick to it as long as possible. All this change, internal work and discipline is very difficult! But, if you choose to do it, you get full, fucking credit for every step. You also reap the kinky rewards by being able to navigate your own desires with ever increasing dexterity and confidence. The exact same patterns you develop here will ultimately serve as the foundation for healthy sexual exploration later on.

#2: Become Your Own Kinkdergarten Teacher

Make a schedule fit for a simpleton. Put gold stars on it if you must. Yes, do it. DO IT NOW. As cheesy and simple as it sounds it does wonders for your brain. We need structure, no matter how minimal and seemingly arbitrary it is. Whether it’s external like the bus schedule, a shift start time or applied manually by ourselves - we need structure!

Did you brush your teeth? GOLD STAR! ⭐ Did you get the laundry done? GOLD STAR! ⭐ Did you wash your snooshy? GOLD STAR! ⭐

Set an alarm in the morning, have a reasonable work out schedule, prepare things for yourself the day before, have a cut off time at the end of the day - All these things are simple, easy ways to help your brain chill the fuck out. Once you get a routine established you can add in any kink goals you’re working on, shopping for chastity cages or practicing rope ties in between chores keeps life spicy.

Always do your most hated chores first thing when you wake up and give yourself proper, full days off, snack breaks and naps! Use orgasms and edging as a reward!

#3: Put the D in BDSM

Pre-care is the new after-care! Exploring your sexuality privately and developing discipline are necessary primers for BDSM play. Yes, I know we can’t play now but you can certainly get yourself in great shape mentally for when we can. Polish those skills like the dirty little gem that you are so you can present your best self when the day comes!

There’s a lot of talk about aftercare but lets talk about pre-care! It starts with discipline and commitment and that’s a choice only you can make. No one can whip you into submission - believe me. Start practicing self control now, start slow, forgive yourself and keeping trying. Focus on the Domme of your dreams and do it in service to her if that helps.

The truth is that many bottoms are only submissive when they’re all horned up. Want to take your servitude to the next level? Want to really impress your Domme? Start flexing those discipline muscles now and I swear it will pay off later. I’ve done sessions with people who had abstained from orgasming for months in my honour and I was floored. Disciplined submissives are a real world commodity among Dommes so develop it and offer something special to your Domme and, most importantly, to yourself!

#4: Welcome to The Ocean of Emotion!

If you thought that you had your emotions under control before the pandemic then welcome to Adulthood: Level 2 on Hard Mode! (booooo / yaaaay!) It’s shocking to me how emotional life is once external structure is taken away. No praise, no punishment, no start, no end, just you and your actions, unseen and unaccounted for by anyone but you. It’s really hard and it’s okay to not know how to emotionally manage yourself in this new situation; you’re definitely not alone.

Expect issues with identity, shame, anxiety and depression and welcome them with a confident smile. You’re the hostest with the mostest for these un-fun feelings, steadfast, persistent and awkwardly doling out slices of a dick-shaped Jell-O mold, for some reason - and that’s okay.

Seriously, perseverance is your best weapon here. Let yourself fail with kindness and acceptance. Keep going, that’s it, just keep trying. You will lose many battles but you will ultimately win the war. Bathe your brain in lots of yummy empathy and get back on the horse 🐎 over 🐎 and over 🐎 and over 🐎 and over 🐎 and over 🐎 (neeeighhhh).

It definitely gets easier with time, as long as you stay kind and persistent with yourself. Remember these are very useful skills you get to keep for the rest of your life and these are the exact same skills that you’ll use to navigate your desires and boundaries within BDSM.

#5: Explore Your Shame

The only people who don’t experience shame are sociopaths. Doesn’t that feel nice to know? If you experience shame, you’re a… HUMAN! - Yay Human Club! 🎉 I work heavily with shame and I absolutely love it, not because I love misery but because I love empathy and vulnerability. Shame is an unavoidable part of human life and if you can deal with your shame, I feel like you can deal with anything.

Sexual desire often serves as a shortcut to accessing what makes us shameful - not always, but often - and it’s definitely a good place to start. Think about it like you would think about doing your taxes; it’s not fun but you’ll feel better once you just get it over with.

Being socially isolated is a great time to delve deeper into those dark feelings in privacy. Take a day (or a week) and just go there, feel it, ask yourself questions, be your own best bud, just let it out! Shame is one of the hardest feelings to master so give yourself proper credit for each millimeter of progress you make in this realm. Accept the fact that shame can’t (and shouldn’t) be annihilated, it can only be managed. Just feel it and practice being kind to yourself along the way, you’ll be better off for it, ultimately.

Also, keep in mind that shame is a part of most people’s sexuality, even vanilla folks. If we consciously process shame through our sexuality, we get to exercise ‘temptation bundling’ by pairing shame processing with (everyone’s favourite reward) …orgasms! 🥳 If you pair your kinks with an introspective process, you can actually make mental health gains while diddling yourself! Speaking of…

#6: Practice Makes Pervert

Now for the fun, bestest, kinky part! A lot of my job involves fantasizing and exploring my sexuality by myself - Yes - I’m a professional masturbator and couldn’t be happier about it! Before each session, I review the scene request, grab my magic wand and let my mind wander wherever it wants. I’m pretty sure this is why I excel at understanding other people’s kinks so easily. I always provide myself a judgement-free place to psychologically (and vaginally) explore 💦

You can do this too! Experiment with cutting out porn for a while to amp up your own, sexual imagination. Treat it like a job, set time and energy aside for exploration. Set goals and try out orgasm control to heighten play and learn more about your kinks, body and boundaries.

Things like pain tolerance and anal training are often best done alone. Like homework and studying in school, you can’t just show up on test day expecting to get an A+, you’ve got to put in some work on your own time. Some of the most extreme masochists and bottoms I’ve met have done most of their pain training by themselves! This is great news for perverts in lockdown! Be safe, go slow and have fun - I’ll see you on the other side ;)

Hope this was helpful! Here’s a couple of resources for further solo exploring:

BDSMTEST.ORG

SUBMISSIVEGUIDE.COM

The Economics of Kink

Read time: 11 minutes. Audio available with a subscription on Substack.

What Are You Even Paying For?

Believe me, I have struggled to answer this question myself. It took me years to raise my rate to meet the industry standard because I just couldn’t wrap my head around it. Coming from a background working in kitchens and construction, I spent most of my adulthood working full time, happy to make $300 in a day, let alone in an hour! 

Giving myself a $280/hour raise was a whole, multi-year process for me so I’m going to explain exactly how I got here. Ultimately, If I’m questioning the high price tag on professional BDSM services as the provider, than I think it’s totally understandable why you would want an explanation as the consumer. So here’s how I went from charging as low as $60/hour 😬 when I first started in professional kink to currently charging between $300-350/hour.

#1: SUPPLY & DEMAND

How can I find a kinky girlfriend like you? Asks every client ever. I don’t resent the question, I get it. It’s the equivalent of thinking, “I could make this myself but I’m too busy this week” as you toss a store-made salad into your grocery cart. It’s not that the salad is insanely special and only the people at the grocery store can make it, it’s just that quite a few elements need to align in order for you to make it yourself.

You need the time, energy and willpower to make that salad, all of which are in short supply for most people and are, therefore, a commodity. Really, you’re paying for the 20 minutes of willpower and concentration required to gather and prep the ingredients - not just the salad itself.

The same can be said for sex work. Have you ever heard that joke “I don’t pay an escort to fuck me, I pay her to leave afterwards”? It’s kind of rude but it’s also kind of true. There are an insane amount of elements that need to align in order for you to enjoy the exact sexual experience you want organically, many would often involve finding and maintaining a long term committed relationship with someone.

That’s a pretty hefty investment of time and energy for the possibility that you might get your kinky wishes granted. This is even more difficult for submissive men looking for dominant women. Listen, I’ve heard all the stories about sweet subbie guys on FetLife endlessly looking for a lifestyle Domme or just looking for a kinky partner they can explore with. It honestly sucks.

The truth is that there are way more submissive guys than there are dominant women out there in the wild and I feel for every guy who can’t find their kinky kindred spirit, I honestly do. I can’t explain it, my best guess is that women are just more socialized to be sexually submissive and it creates this disparity. At the end of the day, that leaves plenty of demand for a person like me and -VOILA!- I have a job.

The odds are simply in my favour and they are in the favour of any sex worker who caters to men. Yes, women hire providers as well but it’s notably less often. It seems there is simply just more male, sexual desire in the world than there is attention to satisfy it. I’m not saying it’s fair, I’m just saying it’s true. Ultimately, I’ve learned that this is the true commodity that’s being traded in BDSM sessions: Sexual attention.

It’s taken me a few years to circle around to this understanding. I was a wee bit high off my own fumes there for a few years and felt like a damn sexual rock star, gracing the land with my oh-so coolness. Excuse me while I air guitar / air dildo by myself over here for a minute. Luckily, I checked myself before I wrecked myself and started this blog to articulate some of the things I’ve learned.

The reason I think it’s important to talk about this is because being ambiguous often leaves room for doubt. Both the provider and client can develop unrealistic expectations. Sure marketing as a fantasy maven is fun and exciting but it’s also great to know about the actual mechanics of the interaction and, most importantly, what you’re actually paying for.

I’m going to be honest, I know people have seen me for a BDSM session and left thinking “that’s it?” As a Domme, I’m not supposed to admit that, I guess I’m supposed to boast a flawless record of 100% home runs, no faults here, just pure FemDom perfection.

Obviously that’s just not true for anyone and I think the pervasive marketing of Dommes currently can leave the provider and client feeling underwhelmed when the realities of sessions don’t match up with the hyped up, eroticized version of what a session should be. Dommes, in particular, have this bad habit of amping up their magical abilities (I’m certainly guilty of this too!).

You’ve heard it before: “When you are with me, you will feel instantly submissive to me. I am your Mistress now and when your eyes meet mine, you will immediately succumb to your place at my feet, kneeling before me, begging for the chance to serve. Experienced and sadistic, I will bring you to new depths of submission you never dreamt possible!” 

Ooooh boy, that’s kind of a tall order to be honest, especially if you’re not a wizard which, sadly, most of us aren’t. What you’re mainly paying for is our undivided attention and our will to fulfill a fantasy for you. It’s nothing that a kinky, ambitious, unexperienced girlfriend couldn’t figure out, but those are in short supply.

Takeaway #1: You’re actually buying attention.

#2: AN “HOUR”

When you see a provider you’re buying an hour of time, right? Yeah… No. Think of that dungeon - you know, the one you always see pictures of, the one you’ve wanted to play in since forever. All your favourite Dommes have pictures there, in the medical room, in front of the Saint Andrew’s cross, selfies in that mirror, you know what I’m talking about.

Cool, now picture that same dungeon - but empty. Lights off, door locked, no one’s home. Why? Because it probably is empty right now. When I first started, I always imagined a big dungeon where each room had a theme and there was a Domme waiting in each for her daily stream of kinky sessions that happened there. If there was a lull between visitors, the kinky ladies would braid each others floggers or swap human blood based recipes or something? Yeah - Nope.

Each provider rents their dungeon and they probably book anywhere from 1 - 5 hours a week depending on how busy they are at that particular time of year. It’s not easily a full time gig and this means sometimes you only have one session in a week. One. Uno. Une. ONE. Yes, after your dungeon rental, you’re walking away with 200, whole dollars for the week.

Meanwhile, you are handling inquiries every day, all day, questions, requests, scheduling and booking protocol are all up to you. Plus, there’s an endless stream of people trying to talk to you for free so most of your time is trying to parse out who’s who because if you don’t do that, you don’t get bookings.

Let’s see, you have to… Create and maintain a website with updated, professional photos and a frequently updated blog. You have to spend time and money on advertising and backlinks to your website. You have to promote yourself by doing interviews and hosting BDSM events or classes. You have to learn and grow as a member of the BDSM community. You have to read about your job and create a brand. You need a bunch of work outfits and at least a case full of toys and implements - none of which are cheap.

You have to run several social media accounts for yourself and engage with them every day as your Domme persona. You need to mentally prep and carefully curate sessions for people, sometimes having to read between the lines when people are unclear about what they want. You have to memorize their requests and hard limits and for some this may include a script.

You have to spend time developing side gigs like running a clip store or offering paid sexting. You have to work in other people’s shame every session and you have to learn how to navigate your own. You have to get yourself to and from the dungeon and sometimes you get stood up, walking away with nothing at all.

You don’t get paid for any of this, you only get paid for the time spent in a session, you only get paid for that “one hour”.

I’m not trying to garner pity, by any means, I’m just trying to illuminate what happens behind the scenes and why the price point needs to support the amount of background work that’s going on here. There have been times in this industry that are absolutely amazing and I cannot believe how lucky I am. Other times, I really struggle to remain confident and not fall into anxiety because bookings are just so unpredictable and so damn irregular.

That $300/hour makes all of it doable. It affords enough to create a little emergency fund for yourself and enough to justify the amount of work that goes into it all. There’s just a lot going on behind the scenes, including that big, sexy, empty dungeon. It may be considered unsexy to talk about but ultimately I think it’s important to know so you don’t feel like you’re being taken advantage of as a consumer.

Takeaway #2: Overhead, baby.

#3: SAFETY

So now we know the supply / demand structure lies in favour of the Domme and we know about the administrative overhead, but where does the $300/hour rate come from specifically? Why that particular price? One of the first things a sex worker will site as the reasoning behind higher rates is safety. I did not understand this before and now, with a few years of experience, I totally agree.

It’s certainly not fool proof but having a higher rate eliminates a lot of sketchy people right out of the gate and $300 seems to be the magic number. I’m not even entirely sure how that works but I can tell you for a fact - it does. I guess it attracts clients who have a higher level of respect for your time and the inherent risk that you’re taking by meeting them - hopefully.

The $300/hour rate also serves as a sort of built-in hazard pay for the risk the provider takes on with each session. As a Domme, we always want to project a confident vibe but let’s be real, there’s risk here and that’s not worth nothing. There’s something about lower rates that just attracts creeps and I still can’t explain it. It’s really unfortunate because they really ruin it for everyone.

I wish I could provide a middle of the road option for lower income people. I’ve tried everything under the sun and it just, perpetually attracts the worst kind of clients.

Takeaway #3: Hazard pay included.

#4: QUALITY

“I was really surprised how great your service was considering how low your rates are.” - Yikes! And you want to know the worst part? I heard this more than once when I first started. It slowly went from feeling like a compliment to feeling like a mistake. When I was in self-training, at the beginning of my career, I charged $100/hour and sometimes offered specials for as little as $60/hour 😬 I was honest about my lack of experience and wanted a price that reflected that.

Again, I had just worked construction for 4 years, so tripling and quadrupling my hourly rate felt like more than enough to me. What I didn’t understand was that clients were assuming the worst about me. Here I was, just trying to be fair when really I was just projecting an image of unprofessionalism and risk.

I was properly hazed by the time wasters, penny pinchers and sketchbags of Toronto until I finally wised up. I had a few clients suggest that I raise my rate and I eventually did after getting a few comments like the one above. Humility is great in some situations but this wasn’t one of them.

I’ve tried so many times over the years to offer reduced rates for people with lower incomes and it has always bitten me in the ass. I’ve tried offering group discounts where a group of Dommes are just chilling and a sub pays to rub our feet or something low effort like that. The idea being, it’s low energy for us and the “work” is dispersed among many of us, all the while it’s super hot and affordable for the subby.

I’ve tried offering occasional session sales or two-for-one deals on my own solo sessions. I’ve tried offering a time slot structure where there’s a group of Dommes and a submissive gets X amount of time to play in exchange for a more chill, casual session on our end. Well beggars are apparently the choosiest choosers it turns out. These attempts would routinely attract some of the most high maintenance, low quality clients, it was truly mind blowing and totally disheartening.

Now I just maintain my $300/hour rate and ignore hagglers entirely. I’ll check out the freelancing subreddit now and again when I’m in need of a little commiseration. It’s definitely not just the sex industry that experiences this phenomenon, this is an issue for most it seems. People associate cheap with bad, it’s just the way it is. I’m not wealthy myself and I don’t come from a rich background so it’s disappointing to have to create a financial barrier but at the end of the day, it’s the only thing that works.

Takeaway #4: Higher rates attract better clients.

#5: RACE TO THE BOTTOM

Once the industry standard is set, it can quickly become a race to the bottom if the majority of competitors decide to start under-cutting each other. Industries have been completely destroyed by these practices, like the shipping industry for example. Luckily, the sex worker community is pretty cohesive and business savvy so the top Dommes understand that undercutting your competition is actually just cannibalizing your own business.

By simultaneously agreeing to and adhering to an industry standard, we compete to provide a better service, not a lower rate. This protects the quality of service and actually means safer, higher quality play for clients.

Takeaway #5: Rate homogeny helps create quality service.

#6 EXPERIENCE & SKILL

A Domme’s experience and expertise are often marketed as the most valuable parts of her service. I think this is certainly true but not in the way that you might initially imagine. I think there’s an issue with focusing heavily on technical skill as a way to justify the large price tag of pro domination. In my experience, hard skills (generally) comprise very little of what is most useful in a real session.

I’ll use the analogy of a personal trainer. A personal trainer could easily run you through a routine and teach you proper form in one or two sessions. They could email you a workout schedule and send you on your way. Realistically, you could even skip that session altogether and find the information you need, online, for free. But that’s not why most of us want to hire a personal trainer.

The real treat, and the reason it’s considered to be a bit of a luxury service, is that you are paying this person for a plethora of intangible feelings. You’re paying them for connection and a journey. You’re going to create a relationship with this person, receiving motivation, confidence and accountability from them.

You’re instilling your trust in them and working as a team with this person towards each of your goals. Theirs is to have a job they love (hopefully) and yours, to achieve your personal fitness goals. It’s vulnerable, very human and technical skill is merely used as a tool to facilitate the process - in my opinion.

I view the bread and butter of professional domination in the same way. Yes, an experienced Dominant knows how to hold a flogger properly, how to restrain someone safely and how to evenly crush a pair of testicles but that may not be what is most valuable in an actual session. Her biggest utility is that she has the information you need.

She has lots of data to draw from and the ability to identify and navigate through it quickly. She has years and years of information collected, experiencing, witnessing and participating in all the various ways a BDSM scene can manifest. She can parse out similar patterns which enables her to quickly connect the kinky dots. I believe that the real value to you is when she converts that data into a feeling that you experience, reading your reactions and applying the appropriate behaviour in response.

This is often something as simple as stroking your hair, dimming the lights or making you focus on holding eye contact with her. None of those acts require great skill in and of themselves by any means, it’s the sequence that matters. I believe that’s the main ability you’re paying for, not a technical proficiency in one focus or another.

As Dommes & subs alike, our expectations become blurry when we start flashing the “expert” card around. I will throw in a (perhaps very obvious) caveat here: There are absolutely some skills in BDSM that require training and knowledge in order to perform safely, invasive medical play and rope bondage are two good examples.

Besides exceptions like those, the majority of the skill you're seeking is intangible, it’s essentially an elicitation of feelings which may or may not be related to a technical skill. This explains the “pop-up Dommes” who experience success despite their lack of experience. They are eliciting a feeling from you and therefore, much to the chagrin of everyone in this industry, they are accomplishing the goal.

I think it’s important to set realistic expectations so everyone understands what they are expected to provide and what they are paying for. Basically, we’re selling feelings, it’s all very subjective and that’s okay.

Takeaway #6: Most of the BDSM skills you’re paying for are soft skills, not hard.

THE GIST

You’re mostly paying for concentrated attention and soft skills when you pay for a professional Dominant. The rates are so high because of the amount of work happening outside of the session and because of the inherent risk the provider takes with each scene. Higher rates attract better clients and promote better service from providers, facilitating safer scenes for Dommes and subs, alike.

Golden Showers

Reading time: 4 minutes.

The first time someone asked me to pee on them was a few years ago, before I was an official pro Domme. At the time I was selling my used panties and slowly getting into offering kink and fetish sessions. I honestly didn’t understand the appeal of someone wanting to drink my piss but it didn’t offend me either so I was willing to indulge.

DJ Diddles with the hot new PeeMix

I knew this person well and we agreed that there were no guarantees and no pressure, in case I got stage fright. I chugged my water and hoped for the best. Well, I guess I got whatever the opposite of stage fright is because I blasted that boy like a busted fire hydrant and instantly gained a new kink in the process!

It seems so obvious to me now, the warm, flowing liquid spraying from between my legs is an instant, visceral, bodily turn-on. Not only does it emulate the visual of cumming, it also just feels great - a wonderful relief. With a little assistance from my DJ Diddles skills, it just feels phenomenal! I became adept at holding my pee and punctuating the scene with release when warranted. Excuse me while I brag (because I can't put this on a resume so you'll just have to validate my weird skills) - I’ve had many a golden shower enthusiast note that they had never seen someone pee as much as me.

Well guys, that just warmed the cockles of my giant, full bladder so I kept practicing at every opportunity. I loved the animalistic, primal feeling of “marking my territory” and I loved the fleeting nature of piss too. It has this inherent, panic inducing immediacy, it's only here for at most 30 seconds so you better enjoy yourself - right now. Well, the golden shower bookings kept coming and so did I!

The warm, flowing liquid spraying from between my legs is an instant, visceral, bodily turn-on. Not only does it emulate the visual of cumming, it also just feels great - a wonderful relief. Well, practice makes pervert and I quickly gained the confidence to reliably time and provide my golden showers to fellow enthusiasts on a regular basis. Around this time, I also started offering Golden Lattes at my local coffee shop. Yup, you read that right - Golden Lattes at a coffee shop! Thinking of it now, it's probably one of the only forms of public play I've ever been into because it was absurdly public and somehow totally discreet.

Here's how it would work: I would meet the person, grab a table with them and tell them to wait there. I would go order two coffees for us and dip into the bathroom before returning to the table. I'd simply dump out one cup in the sink and fill it with pee then return to my 'friend'. Sometimes I'd enter the bathroom with just one double cupped coffee, returning with two and sometimes I'd just have one cup and skip the coffee myself if it was late.

I think the key to staying discreet was the fact that I would frequent this coffee shop on my personal time as well, the staff kind of knew me and was seriously, somehow, none the wiser. I would be there at such random times, the staff was often different and the place was pretty big, super busy and open 24 hours so that definitely helped keep everything low-key which was important for me.

I sometimes wonder if anyone ever noticed me, maybe they thought I was consulting with people or going on dates with a plethora of very different people - HA! I still wave at that spot in Mississauga when I drive by now, ah my old ‘office’, my sweet pee pee palace.

I would just make casual conversation with the person while they sipped their golden latte, occasionally asking how it tasted with a little wink. I'll never forget the men shaking from arousal, utterly buzzing from the perverse yet entirely harmless high.

When I was in the bathroom "making" my Golden Latte, I would also take a nice, up close selfie video of me pulling my pants down and filling the cup. I would send this to the person after our meeting - I know, so fucking hot, right? I would just make casual conversation with the person while they sipped their latte, occasionally asking how it tasted with a little wink.

I'll never forget the men shaking from arousal, utterly buzzing from the perverse yet entirely harmless high. Naughty, naughty, naughty. I was just totally hooked. Not only addicted to the golden shower fetish in all it's kinky forms but also enamored with the power play of it, the themes of humiliation, worship and degradation all ripe for the picking.

The pure power I was given was surely among my most formative kinky experiences, it helped me realize that I was sexually dominant, not just in these situations but in my personal life as well. This play filled in the gaps for me sexually, like something I had intuitively waited for, despite not consciously realizing anything was missing.

I started drawing the feeling of power out in my watersports scenes, mindfully exploring every aspect of the play. Pissing on a hard cock and watching the euphoria wash over them, working towards their face and learning the difference between sweetly feeding someone a trickle or blasting them visciously if the mood was right. It definitely became my thing and I was insatiable for a while there.

This full clip, called “Sweet Relief” is available on my clips4sale store.

I recently had an old client return to me whose only kink is golden. If golden showers weren't such a personal turn on for me, it may be a tough session because there's only so much you can pee and then there's no ‘back-up’ activities to do once that's done. Guys, I don't know if you noticed but golden is my thing so I've been blasting this guy with piss as often as he can visit over the last month. My legs apart, his mouth open, just blasting my piss down his thirsty little throat as if my toilet was permanently broken. It's making me feel the tingles right now as I type this!

Basically, golden showers or watersports can be used in so many ways in a scene and I love every, single one of them. From just pissing on another person’s body, to pissing on their face while their mouth is closed, same with mouth open, pissing on them while smothering, pissing in a glass and making them drink it, chugging water beforehand and having lovely tasting piss, chugging coffee beforehand and tasting like a raunchy fresh brew - you get the point. If you're curious about experimenting with golden showers, I'm a great person to play with because I have crazy bladder control so I can stop and start at will and I genuinely love it so even if you don't have fun - I definitely will ;)

Hello, Cum Dumpster: Cuckold Objectification

Read time: 5 minutes. Audio available with a subscription on Substack.

My version of the traditional cuckold scene is a bit different than what you may envision, so I've decided to describe it in detail for the curious - or should I say bi-curious? The themes of humiliation, degradation and objectification run rampant through most cuckold fantasies, all of which I share and find deeply exciting. As a bit of a cuckquean myself, this is one of those kinks I just totally get from top to bottom (pun intended). I've taken the traditional version of this scene and tailored it to my interests, balancing the power dynamics, objectification and degradation together perfectly, turning it into something delightfully degrading.

Don't get me wrong, I love the traditional cuckold scenes where a woman humiliates her (usually male) partner by fucking another, stronger, more well endowed man in front of him, forcing him to watch, perhaps even making her partner clean up the creampie afterwards. Although I love watching those scenes, the reality of the power dynamic shifts in a FemDom / client version of the same idea. The partner and the client take opposite roles in this situation which totally shakes up the dynamic. Instead of punishing the husband by humiliating him, in most professional cuckold scenes, it's the Domme fucking her alpha boyfriend or husband while the client is 'forced' to watch or participate in some humiliating form.

As a bit of a cuckquean myself, I understand that the humiliation of having your partner consensually 'cheat' on you is almost entirely emotionally masochistic and founded firmly in your feelings for that partner. The themes of possession, jealously and monogamy are always generally present to varying degrees. Contrast this with the professional version of this same scene and those feelings are generally void. As my client you wouldn't feel strong feelings of jealousy or possessiveness over my sexuality because we're not partners and you're not dominant over me in that way. What does overlap between the traditional and professional FemDom versions of this scene are the themes of degradation, humiliation and inadequacy. Now this is where I start to build my version of the cuckold scene.

As you may have already gathered, I like my BDSM scenes layered with power dynamics and rife with reality and these scenes hit all those marks. I can use my partner as a way to humiliate and degrade you because I have a real world anchor. In this situation, there is no role play required, I don't have to pretend that my partner is better than you because, in my opinion, he is. That's why he's my partner, the only person I am interested in having sex with, the only person who experiences that side of me. My amazing partner serves as the perfect bull in these scenes for me because not only is he well endowed, he is also multi orgasmic. As his Domme, I control his orgasms so he is often in chastity, meaning, I can deny him long before my cuckold session with you which both turns me on and means lots of build up for you.

He is my monogamous partner, his cock is the only one that has the privilege of entering me or being pleasured by me directly. There's a lot of things that I will do with you in session but he gets the really fun parts, him and only him, which makes him special, unlike you. I'm not even being mean, I'm just being honest, he has the only dick I am truly and deeply attracted to and as a fairly gay leaning lady, that is truly remarkable for me and the reason why he is my life partner. Basically, if you truly want to submit to me, you must submit to my favourite cock as well - it's only respectful, right?

So we've established the pecking order: Me, him, you. Now let's get into the humiliation and objectification stuff - my favourite! (heads up: humiliation roleplay dirty talk incoming). In the traditional scene, you'd be in there with us slopping all over everything, looking around with your beady little eyes and - ain't no one got time for that. Let's get real, my partner is not attracted to you and you're a boner killer if we're being honest, you are lucky that even I'm willing to indulge you and give you my attention, am I right? That's why you're securely restrained in a separate room, left to listen as we enjoy ourselves without you.

As I walk out of the room, I open my camera to selfie mode, taking a video with you in the background. I smile and say, "bye!" as I continue recording, walking into the bedroom where my partner awaits, dripping with precum for me, ready to finally fuck me after a week of chastity. This first load is going to be big so I set my phone up to capture every last thrust from behind as I bounce up and down on him. It only takes a few pumps before he tries to hold my hips firmly down on his lap so he can fill me with cum. At that moment, I lift myself off, holding the condom firmly around the base of his cock, effectively ruining his orgasm. I laugh as I watch the condom fill with a weeks worth of cum, his cock pulsing, untouched in the air. You can hear his deep moans of disappointment from the other room and I smile to myself as he finishes. I slowly remove the condom, careful to save every drop for you, my human cum dumpster. I kiss my partner as I leave, his eyes dopey from his partial, painful release and I tell him to start playing with himself again.

As I walk back into the main room, your eyes follow me and I nod towards your full erection as I giggle and sit next to you. I cradle your head in my arm with your face next to my cleavage as I begin playing back the video I just took. I watch your dick swell and bounce as you watch what so few people get to see, this is your chance and your mind tries to memorize everything it is witnessing. The close up of my wet pussy being stretched by his big cock is almost as exhilarating as when you watch him fill that condom up with a huge load of cum. You instinctively open your mouth and I smile as I empty its contents down your throat. I ask how it tastes as I place my magic wand on your frenulum, teasing you for a few minutes while my partner plays with himself in the other room, hard again already. "Are you ready for more?" I ask as your eyes stare hazily into mine. With your nod I'm off to collect another load for my new human cum dumpster.

When I return a few minutes later, I don't say a word and with closed lips, I smile and start playing the next video for you. You immediately understand why I haven't said anything as you watch me suck my partners hard cock to completion. You look at my lips, understanding what is about to happen and I wink at you, using my tongue to play with the cum in my mouth as we watch the rest of the video together. Towards the end of the clip, just as he cums in my mouth, I position myself above you and you open yours, receiving your second load.

Rinse and repeat my dear dumpster - you get the gist.

So that's the cuckold objectification scene I offer in all it's perverse glory! It's such a multi layered, milk-tastic, devious time, I'm sure you can understand why I have a few regular clients who just request this over and over. I love this scene because there's quite a bit of wiggle room too, you don't have to experience it exactly as I've described above, you can incorporate this into so many types of scenes and tailor it to suite your experience and comfort levels. I love pairing it with chastity and orgasm torture, for example, where I either 'force' the sub to cum as many times as my partner or completely deny them the whole time. It can also be combined with 'forced' self cum eating too, in case you're really hungry for cum. So many possibilities and so much yummy cum for a subby little dumpster like you! ;)

---

PS. Here’s what one of my favourite, little cummy dumpsters had to say about his very special role in my sex life:

“The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines luck as ‘the events or circumstances that operate for or against an individual.’ While I’m grateful for the unearned privileges I enjoy in life, I can’t help but obsess over what has led me to become the pathetic, slutty, and submissive cuck I am today.

Despite a plethora of interactions and life events, my cerebrum fires off vivid imagery of a man I’ve only known as [Slave] Honnu. I’ve never met Honnu, but his aura transcends any masculine energy I’ve ever experienced. Visiting Bastienne’s has been one of my favourite pastimes in the past few years. When I arrive at the entrance to her brightly-coloured paradise, my mind always runs rampant with anxiety and natural curiosity. Deep in my soul, I can feel Bastienne’s dominant energy and Honnu’s big dick energy radiating through the air. 

When I arrive at her doorstep, she offers her full and undivided attention, but in reality, we all know where I stand in this hierarchy. As I kneel and submit to Bastienne Cross’ every need, I know in the back of my mind that there is a well-endowed cock with balls of steel waiting for her just a few steps away.

Despite every submissive act I can think of, I know that Honnu is the only human that can really please Bastienne wholeheartedly. Acknowledging my useless microscopic penis and pathetic existence, I’ve come to the realization that I will never please Bastienne sexually. Accepting that I am nothing like Honnu will allow me to realize my true life purpose as Bastienne Cross’ non-intimate cuckold.

As Lindy Zart once said, “Sometimes in life, you do things you don’t want to. Sometimes you sacrifice, sometimes you compromise. Sometimes you let go and sometimes you fight. It’s all about deciding what’s worth losing and what’s worth keeping.”

My relationship with Bastienne Cross, however small and humiliating it may be, is certainly worth keeping. So the next time the luckiest man alive gets to sleep with Bastienne, I must eagerly beg, borrow, and plead to be her private cum dumpster. Consuming Honnu’s cum or using it as lube as I get pounded might be my only chance at being apart of Bastienne’s magical sex life.”

- Little Linda

From Feared to Sincere

Read time: 13 minutes.

A few years ago, if you described me as a "Soft Domme", I would have bristled with indignation. Well, would you look at me now? Look ma - no scowl! In this post I'm going to detail how I went from being a feared and revered, extreme CBT focused Dominatrix, known for my hardcore ballbusting clips, to now, proudly identifying as a Soft Domme. Whether you're a submissive or fellow Domme, I hope you can take something new and inspiring from my story.

It's been a long journey full of highs, lows, lessons, self-reflection and a lot of amazing experiences. If you've been following my career over the last few years from afar, from up-close, or if I'm brand new to you all the same, I present you with my FemDom cheat-sheet, the main things I've learned about this industry and where I belong in it. This is the story of how I found my place in "Soft FemDom". 

Well, let's start from the beginning with Baby Domme Bastienne. Bright eyed and bossy tailed, I entered into FemDom by way of fetish and kink, an inherently softer and more vanilla leaning group of services. Professional panty slinging was exhilarating, and sex work was entirely new to me in 2014. My used panty clips brought out a new exhibitionism in me that I had never experienced before and the in-person kink and fetish requests became an exciting new indulgence.

The connections that I made were real and the work was insanely fun compared to my experiences working regular jobs. Being a closeted, lifestyle kinkster my entire adult life, I knew I had finally found an outlet for my endless sex drive and perverted sensibilities.

I began working for myself, funding my life with my exciting explorations. I quickly and organically veered into FemDom and immediately knew that I had found my place. It was so natural, exciting and easily accessible to me, I knew that I could face the looming years of learning and hard work with resolve. I had found something endlessly interesting, reliably exciting, and entirely worth working towards. I put my head down and started working, slowly becoming Bastienne.

As I rose through the ranks of the Toronto FemDom scene, I was elated to find myself respected and (dare I say) equal to some of my Dominatrix mentors. My hard work and dedication was paying off and I would try to keep my cool with each new step up the ladder. It was wildly exhilarating and deeply validating to be accepted in a career I so passionately cared about.

I have since had the privilege of working out of every high-end dungeon in Toronto, experiencing hundreds of scenes with some of my BDSM mentors, esteemed Pro Dommes, group scenes and experienced submissives alike. With my new found confidence, I created a successful clip store, showcasing my skills in session to an international audience. The feedback was intoxicating: I had a little fan-base out there and they cheered me and my ego on at every step. 

Well, Baby Bastienne's little eyes were twinkling with pride, her ego was at full mast, waving proudly in the face of anyone interested in looking. "Look what I can do! Look what I can do!" But once the natural high of acceptance wore off, parts of the landscape started to come into focus for me, things that weren't so pretty in the stark light of day. The realization was slow but unavoidable, the FemDom industry had its fair share of questionable people with questionable motives, a reality I just wasn't prepared for.

The recent saturation of the FinDom (financial domination) niche on social media is a perfect example. Women with no experience or interest in learning about the basics of safe BDSM play, proclaiming to be a peer of mine, a fellow, seemingly overnight success, a fellow "Professional" Dominatrix. I had to confront the fact that these flexible barriers to entry were both the reason for my success and the reason I should question it's validity.

The list goes on: unsafe players, cash grabbers and scammers. I've witnessed a brand new, baby Domme start offering "Pro Domme Tips" after two weeks of work. Yes, two very informative weeks, apparently. That was when I realized that common sense wasn't so common. I started sympathizing with those reluctant clients who spoke of bad experiences with other providers but mostly, I was simply left counting my lucky stars for the experienced mentors that I had access to.

The women who so generously offered a positive counterpoint, a lighthouse on a dark night. I was bumping elbows with all of these people, sharing the same title in an endless, homogeneous sea of claims - and that wasn't even the scariest part. In the Wild West of FemDom we can be whoever we want to be, and when I looked around in the sober light of day at the darker sides of my industry, I not only saw deep flaws, I saw myself.

This is the part of the story where Baby Bastienne turns into Grown Ass Lady Bastienne. About time, right? I took what I had experienced and did what any self respecting introvert does: I parked myself in front of a window for a few months and sorted myself out. I came out with a few, important revelations. Much like this blog post, I started from the beginning, I striped away the layers and journeyed back to where I had started. I wondered how I found myself so far from my original intention.

I sifted through the voices of my amazing FemDom mentors, traversing alone now, wearing the strengths and wisdom of each as I began my audit. I found that the bull headed ambition I had started my career with had a new level, a foundation of quiet confidence, a deep understanding only years of experience could provide. I started anew, in lock-down for weeks, just me, my memories and the oak tree outside my window.

One of the first things I noticed was the uncharacteristically narcissistic patterns I had unconsciously slipped into. Things like obsessively frequenting my Twitter notifications, shamelessly filling my phone with selfies, coveting my precious social media likes, and referring to my interactions as "branding".

Given a mini slice of power and success, good ol' Bastienne had fallen into one of the most human of pitfalls: Pride. But hey, it's all okay because, self-promotion, right? Well, technically, yes, but ultimately, NO. Welcome to the slippery, un-moderated, fantastical slope, the Wild West known as FemDom! And here's my first takeaway:

TAKEAWAY #1: FEMDOM DOES NOT = NARCISSISM.

​Despite what a cursory glance around my industry might convey, it's not okay to be a narcissist. Sparkly and exciting at first, it ends up being a whole lot of No Fun, real quick. The recent lockdown gave me lots of time to think and I ended up reaching back into my memories and accessing my original attraction to FemDom.

I loved the complexity and individuality of each person's kinks, the intimacy and freedom from shame, the psychology and connection, the sexual validation, the creativity, the good-old-fashioned thrills! You may ask: "Hey Grown Ass Lady Bastienne, what does that have to do with you spending hours of your week taking selfies? Expending endless energy on turning your personality into a 'brand' and indulging yourself in delusions of grandeur?" And I would answer: "Nothing, good Sir or Madam. Not a goddamn thing".

The truth is that my actual job is to keep you safe, make you feel excited, push your boundaries and give you an amazing experience. It's entirely unrelated to positioning myself as a model, actress or public figure. Yes, I need a few good pictures for my website and social media so you know whether you're attracted to me or not. And yeah, I need to take care of myself and be presentable but, the selfie-taking, masturbatory, millennial culture didn't sit right with me. I'm a middle aged lady, for god's sake! What was I doing with my time and energy.

When I really thought about it, most of my Domme mentors had intuitively dodged this bullet, predominantly posting pictures of their work, not themselves. Not all, but many were even a bit self conscious and naturally shied away from social media, doing it more as a necessary evil then a hobby. This illuminated an ugly part of myself that sorely needed adjustment.

It all just started to feel unhealthy and I didn't like the message I was sending to subs, "only masochists are fun" or to other women, "Look at my body, look at all my amazing sessions" etc. It sets up a strange, anti-human fantasy world that gets blurry for all involved over time. I started craving real, human, private experiences, undocumented and outside of incessant promotion.

So, I put the selfie stick down and I re-calibrated my efforts back to the human being standing (or kneeling) in front of me. Fuck the session selfie, let's have real fun, right here, right now. Let me lend my brain entirely to you, every ounce of my energy focused on what we're creating in this moment, not about the supposed, ultimate pleasure of being around a somewhat symmetrical person?

No one will ever know about it, it's our little secret and that's fucking amazing. You're not an accessory to my ego when you see me, you're not a photo-op, a conquest, a narcissistic source to be fed upon, You're the person who enables me to work for myself, to live an amazing, creative life, you're the person I get to have fun with and when you're with me, you're all I'm thinking about.
​

TAKEAWAY #2: ALL SUBS ARE GOOD SUBS.

The credit for any extreme act goes entirely to the submissive. I'm tired of claiming their abilities to be the result of my 'magical prowess' and having perfectly lovely subs apologize for their low pain tolerance. The credit is theirs and theirs alone for everything they achieve in my company. At it's core, we are exchanging power, equally, back and forth, as a team. It's as much of an effort to offer submission as it is to skillfully dominate.

These are fully symbiotic, fully codependent endeavors and anything outside of that is either incompetence, abuse or theater. We are exchanging feelings. I am making you feel submissive and you are making me feel like I'm in control despite the reality that we are both equal. We are playing, creating, and fantasizing in tandem. This happens quietly, inside of each person and is often not remarkable or easily perceptible from the outside. 

Each exchange, each internal shift is just as valid and real as watching an experienced masochist take a swift kick to the nuts in a ballbusting clip. One act is mainly for the audience to enjoy and the other is for the people in that moment to enjoy, privately. That's the only difference and the reason I offer a discount for sessions being filmed. Having a private, intimate, internal moment with me is more valuable then a theatrical version of the same thing and that's reflected in my rates for each.

Power exchange is subtle and personal and different for each person, that's precisely what I like about it, not something you need to apologize for. I've seen the best and the worst, I've been on the inside and outside of the BDSM scene. At the end of the day, my loyalty lies not with the loud and proud, not with those who hold the rings for us to jump through. My loyalty lies with the sincere, earnest, quiet explorer, the curious and self aware. Dominant or submissive alike, allow me to set my ring down and fling the imaginary gates open and welcome you, exactly as you are.
​

TAKEAWAY #3: COMFORT FIRST, PUSH SECOND.

​Being hesitant, having boundaries, wanting trust and needing safety from your dominant are all excellent criteria to have. These are green flags, qualifiers that make you a good submissive, not feelings that you need to be ashamed of or apologize for. You should feel nervous, you should require safe practices, you should seek trust and this is precisely where Grown Ass Lady Bastienne becomes Soft Domme Bastienne.

Let's all say it together: if the submissive doesn't have a sense of self preservation, they're not safe to play with. Yup, that's right, that feeling that you're not hardcore enough or that you're not sure if you can do everything I want is exactly what makes you a good, self-aware, safe person to play with. 

I need you to have boundaries and communicate them to me and the first place that starts is from a slow, soft place of comfort and trust. Yup, that's the boring, non glamourous bit that gets edited out of FemDom clips. Whether it's trust in your Dominant's experience level, trust in their empathy, trust in yourself, familiarity within your dynamic or confidence from previous experiences. The truth is that these elements are the necessary soil from which any extreme play grows.

​For example, few people are gold medal Olympic swimmers but that doesn't mean that the rest of us have no right to enter a pool and no claim to enjoyment from the activity. All us non-Olympic level swimmers can enjoy swimming for whatever reason we choose. Perhaps relaxation, maybe exercise, who knows, maybe we even enjoy our amateur swimming more than the gold medalists do! 

Enjoyment is internal and meaning is chosen.

Imagine a group of Olympians intimidating and discouraging amateurs from swimming, it would be ridiculous. The same applies within BDSM and FemDom; you're free to take a dip and reach any "level" of experience or pain tolerance you choose. You don't have to be the best at everything, nor should you want to be!

Most hobbies start from a place of genuine enjoyment and comfort and this is no different. Some of my most amazing experiences have been with novices, people so earnestly bristling with excitement and wonder, they gave me a contact high and experiences that I'll never forget. ​
​

TAKEAWAY #4: DITCH THE DUNGEON.

...Or not. Just sayin'.

The ominous Saint Andrew's Cross, the large, vacant slave cage, the CBT chair to match, we all know the vibe, we've all seen it a hundred times by now. Hey, if that's your thing, that's your thing. I've had great times in traditional dungeons but surely we don't all have the exact same fantasies, set in the exact same place, right?

When I started furnishing my play space, I intuitively followed the narrative. I got a nice, chunky pegging bench, a bulky, black bondage bed, and a clunky, mono-use slave box, among other "staples". I also mindlessly started muting my palette because... all black vinyl, always, all the time, 4Ever… I guess?

Well, the bench got covered in plants and a colourful painting of running stallions, the bed got turned into a kinky make-shift easel and holder of candles and the box got tucked away under a colourful scarf and topped with a succulent. Try as I might, I could never achieve the traditional dungeon look or vibe, as it was always far outside of my aesthetic understanding.

The pegging bench would be forgotten as I intuitively bent my submissive over the side of my sectional, driving him slowly into the corner filled with colourful cushions as we moaned together, coating ourselves in sweat. The bondage bench was neglected as I held a man down to my king size bed, slowly tying him to the wooden posts, spread eagle, as I smothered him and giggled with delight, all plans pushed aside in momentary passion.

In time, I slowly gave away my dungeon staples, never fully grasping their purpose beyond the initial psychological intimidation. I helped a friend fill their space and officially said goodbye to the traditional aesthetic altogether. I gave up the idea that someone else's fantasy would always be mine when I gave up the idea that I would be someone else.

I continued collecting plants and coloured glass bottles, kinky, unconventional toys and dual purpose pieces, hidden in plain sight. I kept filling my space with wood and texture, colour and vibrancy, and the decadent, organic power exchanges that had always happened here. In this place, I felt good.

Now I feel like the inside matches the outside and much like the people who meet me with a "Wow! You're so nice!" my space elicits that response too. I love welcoming people to my den, my little slice of heaven. Just like me, it's warm, welcoming, colourful, fun and it holds a secret deviancy inside.

I have a professional alternative that shares many of the same qualities. Entirely forward-thinking and modern, my other space is unique, clean and non-conventional but offers many of the traditional, BDSM furniture staples that many crave. This dungeon is run by a supportive, experienced Pro Domme and it isn’t far from my space, The Wiggle Room, in South Etobicoke.

Ultimately, BDSM and kink should free us from prescribed roles and suffocating expectations, not serve to perpetuate them further and that's the perfect segue to my last and most important takeaway... 
​

TAKEAWAY #5: QUIT BEING A COPY KITTEN.

Whether you're a dominant, a submissive or a switch, we all have strange expectations floating around in our heads of what we're supposed to look like, how we're supposed to act and, worst of all, how we're supposed to feel. From the beginning, I always struggled to fill the conventional role of Mean Dominatrix, despite identifying as a lifestyle Domme and a sexual sadist. I convinced myself that I needed the 10 inch heels, the expensive latex pieces, the brooding glare and the high protocol behavior that I had seen online.

When I would inevitably get the "Oh my god, you're so nice!" or "Wow, I can't imagine you being sadistic!", my little ego would buckle and I would launch into self defense. Baby Bastienne didn't like that one bit but current day, Soft Domme Bastienne loves it. Now I respond to those first impressions with a confident smile, stating proudly, "I know, right?"

It makes me happy that I'm a dynamic person, an oddity, a peculiar combination of traits. I don't want to follow the template of another person anymore, I want to be genuine and honest with myself above all else. I want to be a fearless and adventurous leader for those who grant me their submission. I want to lead by example, accepting myself for who I am first, advocating for roles outside of the norm, beyond the tropes - real, human people, being their real, human selves.

In FemDom, everything is fantasy, we get to make it up as we go. We can draw the boundaries anywhere we want, bear the title we choose, adopt the traits we admire, reach into our fantasies and pull them out one by one, experiencing a surge of excitement from each, again and again.

Why would I limit myself here? Why would you?

I'm not going to scare the pants off you - in fact, in my vanilla life, I've never intimidated a soul upon first glance. I'm warm, accommodating and endlessly empathetic, soft spoken and playful. I will make you feel instantly at ease. I'm the person who wants to make you laugh and make sure you have a good time. I'm the person that asks what you were saying when you get cut off by that loud person and the conversation redirects. I'm the person who you can talk to about anything and I'm the person who will think about what we talked about for days after you're gone.

I'm also the person who wants to push you, excite you, make you feel used and delightfully dirty, I am drawn to extremes, thrilled by control and unequivocally turned on by pain. I want to mash our fantasies together in a devious, visceral blast of energy, a glistening high that leaves you with more questions than answers. I am all of those things, all smooshed up into one, silly lady and I expect the same from you.

You are not the gimp in a FemDom clip, you are you: The manager at work, the problem solver at home, the funny guy at the BBQ, the person with anxiety, or the girl from the dog park. You're the person that no one would guess is into BDSM and it's great - I like it.

If my experience in BDSM has taught me anything, it's that shame only exists in silence so I'll say it here, I have tried and failed to be someone else. I am left accepting my confusing combination of traits. I don't fit into a mold and now I know, that's not a shameful thing to be hidden in the dark, it's perhaps my greatest asset and it's probably yours too.

​My job is acceptance in the face of sexual shame. It's to be a safe, skilled, confident leader to those who lay themselves bare. My job is to take the first step and start with myself, let you watch as I create a path for myself, one that is uniquely mine. To stand alone, proud of my oddities, confident in my individuality. By doing this for myself, I hope you see that you can do it too. I am Bastienne Cross, Toronto's Soft Domme, advocate of humans, lover of quiet bravery and promoter of kinky joy.

That's it! That's the story of how I went from Big Scary Domme to Still Kinda Scary Domme but mostly Softy McSofterson Domme and everything I learned in between. I hope this has helped you feel more confidence, or made you think about your role in BDSM in a new way.

Tips for Your First FemDom Session

Read time: 8 minutes.

Is this your first BDSM session? First FemDom session? First session with me? Duuude - congrats! What an exhilarating step into professional kinky-dom! Most people are super nervous, which is very understandable but, believe me, there's nothing to be nervous about! I'm Captain Good Times - it's going to be awesome!

I've outlined the basics for you below and once you've booked with me, you're free to ask me any further questions. Below, I talk about performance anxiety, racing minds, letting me lead, being on time, communicating clearly and the reality of porn vs. live sessions. It's all included below, I hope this alleviates some fears and answers some questions.

1) Use Your Words.

Once you send me a deposit, you're my client. Congrats! You just promoted yourself from internet-stranger to internet-actual-person. Putting down a deposit gets my attention and the rules of engagement change. Now is the time to tell me a bit more about yourself, what you're into and what you're expecting. If you have any questions that would help you feel more comfortable walking into your first session, ask them!

The more comfortable you are during your session, the more fun we'll have, seriously. Things like: "I've always had a foot fetish but I've never done anything before so I'm not sure if I just like looking at them or if I want to worship them also" or "I'm really nervous so I might need some time to just chat at first" are perfect! I am merely an amateur psychic at this time (sarcasm) so while I hone my mind-reading skills, please communicate clearly, take your time, think things through and speak up.

Side note: Some people misinterpret the above as “send Bastienne a 7 page autobiography!” Nope. Let’s keep things reasonable. If we get to 60 emails exchanged before a session - that’s too many. If you’re sending more than a few paragraphs about yourself, I’ll likely request we just chat in person instead. Be succinct, honest and direct.

2) Don't Masturbate.

Sing it with me.. 🎵 When I think about you I DON'T touch myself! 🎵 Listen, as an avid masturbator, it pains me to tell you this: you can't masturbate before our scene. Think about when you are feeling your kinkiest, it's always when you're super pent up, right? Now think about when you are least interested in kink or even sexy times in general - ding! ding! ding! ding! ding! - it's right after you cum! Seriously, I want you to get the most bang for your buck and the best way to do that is to arrive as the horny little ball of submissive, kinky energy that you were when you initially reached out to me.

Practice edging beforehand, learn more about your body and your limitations. If you usually only masturbate every 2 or 3 days, maybe hold off for 4 days before you see me. If you're a more frequent monkey spanker, than maybe abstaining for a day is enough - you get the point. Know your cum limit and play within it.

3) Tell Yourself It's Okay To Be Super Nervous.

Understandably! I remember how nervous I was going to my first yoga class, I read through their entire website, checked out all their FAQs, looked through all their pics and kept trying to peak in their windows as I walked by. I was just trying to understand what the set up looked like, where I would be and what was expected of me.

Do you sign in at the desk? Will people know I'm new? What am I supposed to wear? What do you bring in with you? What if I don't know all the yoga poses? Where do you leave your stuff? All of these seemed like stupid questions and I felt completely out of my element. Months later, I found out that this initial reaction is totally the norm. That's why most people go to their first yoga class with a friend, because it's intimidating as fuck and we're talking about YOGA. Peaceful-ass-hippie-dippie-YOGA.

So, yeah, I totally get people being super nervous for their first BDSM session and I have nothing but respect for the person who shows up at my door shaking like a leaf. Damn, I can think of the few times in my life that I've pushed myself to do something that made me physically shake and OH BOY, I definitely look back at those times with pride and you should too. Bravery is not a lack of fear, it's being afraid and doing it anyway.

4) Realize That I'm Going To Be Nice To You.

Yep. I'm gonna make you feel comfortable as fuck, sorry to disappoint! I have to in order to explore anything with you, you have to feel comfortable and safe first. This also means, don’t ask me to “act” a certain way like strict or harsh. I shouldn’t have to say this but - I don’t take behaviour requests! My personality is silly, lighthearted and welcoming. Take it or leave it but it’s not negotiable.

5) Let's Ignore Your Dick - Together 🤝

If you’re a dick owner, much like yourself, your pecker will be scared. If it's not totally terrified initially, most boners tend to subside after about 15 minutes. Once the initial surge of adrenaline wears off, your weiner will likely calm down too This is totally normal and you don't need to apologize or even address it at all. As you start exploring deeper levels of BDSM, you discover levels of pleasure and power exchange beyond just genital arousal. Hell - check out chastity cages if it interests you at all, they're a great way to remove performance anxiety entirely while making it kinky.

Ultimately, I don't care about your boner and neither should you. You don't have to feel self conscious about what it is - or isn't - doing. It's all normal and fine, just leave the little guy alone, he's probably very confused or, if you're visiting for a CBT session, his feelings are probably hurt because you totally betrayed him ;D

6) Manage Your Expectations: Porn vs. Live Sessions.

I've had people experience their entire session through the screen of my phone - No - I don't mean a custom clip or an online session, I mean having a real, life session where the person watches the monitor of our session as I record, for their entire scene. This is porn addiction and it's very common. People are used to watching my clips and want to experience a session with me for themselves which I totally get, but, have you ever noticed that there aren't very many 45 minute FemDom clips? That's because clips and real life are different. They are two different experiences entirely.

Clips are heavily prepped and then edited down to only include the 'peak' part of the scene. They generally involve people who have a pre-existing relationship and chemistry. Think about how boring it would be to watch me make conversation with my sub for 10 minutes while I tie him down, making sure that he's comfortable enough to start, scratching his nose, getting him water, lightly running my fingers over his body to make him feel calm. I'm bored even describing it. It's like watching someone read a good book, watching and doing are different, they look the same, they feel very different.
​
7) Repeat After Me: I LOVE MY SAFEWORD! Me + Safeword = BFFs 4Ever!

Your safeword is RED. That's my favourite colour! Use it whenever you like!

8) Leave Your Insecurities at the Door.

I'm known in these parts as a bit of a chubby chaser, I also love long hair on guys, women with giant clits and petite dudes. That's right. Like you, and everyone else in BDSM, I’m a weirdo. I have my own, strange sexuality and set of specific kinks and none of them include square jaws and a 6-pack. I literally don't care what you look like, I care what you act like. Mind set is everything to me and I’ll always value an awesome, respectful, kinky person over superficial traits any day.

When I get cocky vibes from peeps, in session or otherwise, I politely cover my mouth and swallow (because it's rude to throw up when someone starts talking). Smile and nod, just smile and nod, Bastienne.

I love me some chubby folks, I also love petite peeps who make me feel really big, I like old bodies, medium bodies, hairy bodies, boobies, no boobies, tall, skinny, all different shads, all the kinds of bodies! I don't care! Ultimately I just like submissive energy from people, it turns me on. So don't worry about your body one way or the other, just be a cool person.

9) Be On Time.

Time is a widely accepted measurement relating to the earth's rotation around the sun. Many people engage in the use of 'watches' or 'clocks' which are mechanical or electrical devices for measuring time. These portable time keepers are generally used in order to coordinate and organize this concept of time for the clock user and others who interact with him or her. Time is also the only thing you can google the definition of and the top response uses the actual word in the definition (who am I? "FUCK IT". hint: it rhymes with bictionary).

This leaves you to have to make up your own definition (refer to first sentence) that's how time-y time is. Time is time. Time. Everyone, time to time. I'm going to name my first born child, Time. In conclusion, I highly suggest that all clients - and all people in general - engage in the use of time whether that be via a watch, a giant clock necklace or a mobile cellular device. Time is our mutual friend. 

Here’s a handy visual aide I created about this subject and here’s a scientific explanation of time from my imaginary boyfriend, Joe Scott, on YouTube.

Be ON Time. Be on TIME. BE on time! BE ON FUCKING TIME. Yeah, I'm one of those 'time' people.

PS: Time.

10) Let Me Lead.

Mind racing goes hand-in-hand with being nervous, as talked about above. My goal is to get you calm and comfortable enough to enjoy yourself. Your job is to mentally submit while still being able to communicate what you need. It takes effort to achieve this mental state and it takes both of us to get there. Help me, help you. Power exchange rarely looks like a latex clad woman dramatically whipping a man, I mean, sometimes it does but more often than not it's more subtle.

It's simply a feeling, it's a frame of mind, a momentary vibe and it's hard to achieve with a total stranger. That's where good ol' Bastienne comes in. Trust me, I've done this for years, that's part of the reason you picked me, right? Don't try to calculate what I'm doing, why I'm doing it or what reaction you think I'm expecting, don't watch the clock and try to jam pack your time with activities. I'm not expecting anything, we're playing! Just relax and let me know if something hurts or you need something. Otherwise your job is to enjoy the ride - that's literally what you're paying for.

11) Know The Hard Limits.

Know mine and know yours. Limits are great. Know them, love them, kiss them, hug them.

12) Clean Your Butt.

If you’ve requested pegging or fisting for your session then do your anal prep in advance. Here’s my how to guide on how to prep for pegging.

13) Plan Your Trip.

Toronto is a big city with a bunch of people in it. Often times those people get in their cars and start driving themselves all over the place. They drive to the store, they drive to the park, they drive to their cousin's house to pick up weed, they accidentally drive over a bird, even though it was the bird's fault because it literally came out of nowhere and for some reason thought it was a good idea to fly under the car this time, even though going over the car has worked literally every other fucking time? (RIP 🐦)

They drive to visit their family, they drive to go to work, they drive to clear their head, they drive along Lakeshore to see how much richer some people are than them, they drive to Square One to buy a dildo, they drive thru Tim Hortons in the morning even though Starbucks is better, they drive to the dog park, they drive to a strange internet lady's place to get their balls kicked.

Trust me, there's all kinds of people out there driving all over the place right now, it's wild! Respectively, all of these activities are varying degrees of fun and I'm not going to brag or make the other activities feel bad, what I will do is ask that you take into account that traffic is a thing and parking is a thing. If you've never done them before, they tend to be a little unpredictable so it's best to google your trip beforehand or ask me any questions you may have about parking or bus routes. Give yourself ample time: refer to my explanation of time above.

14) Confirm & Review.

The booking and arrival instructions I send you are meticulously curated. Everything and I mean everything you need to know is there. You have to read and follow the instructions carefully or you’ll risk not being able to book with me again. I’m casual about everything except for logistics. Know this and go forth.

Also, if you have a good session with me, send me a review that I can post on my site :)

Thanks for reading! Here’s some more content for beginners to explore:

• YouTube video “Your First FemDom Session”

• Bastienne’s BDSM for Beginners Guide

• The Trust & Thrust Podcast with Bastienne

Mommy’s Little Fart Cushion

Read time: 8 minutes. Audio available with a subscription on Substack.

Ever since he was a little boy, he was always my favourite. He was like my little shadow, always wanting to know what I was doing, wanting to help his mommy. I loved when he was little so much! Such a sweet boy and everyone always told me how cute he was! When he hit his early teens, he started to pull away a bit, nothing terribly dramatic but definitely a sad time for any mother. He started to have his own little hobbies, he'd spend more time with his friends. He stopped talking to me as much as he used to and I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt.

In High School, Marty was a good student, and a good kid in general, but I started to feel the distance between us grow with each year. By the time he started college I had become quite resentful over his entitled, distant attitude towards me. I'd been saving for years to send him to college, me and his father always provided him with everything he'd ever needed and it was so often met with the absolute minimum in return. I knew I should've just let it go but during his last visit, I did something that I probably shouldn't have done. I wish that I felt guilty, but I simply never have. In fact, I loved it, it felt great to put him in his place, to restore the power dynamic between us, finally.

Not only did I finally get to put him back in his rightful place, I knew I'd sparked something dangerous within him. A secret weapon that every woman possesses. What Marty didn't know was that I had something that makes every man weak, including my own son if need be. If it weren't for his sour attitude I would never have to put him in this position but his years of ungrateful behaviour have proven to me that he needs it. It's not only my duty as his mother, it's become my ultimate pleasure.

As expected, during his last visit, he dumped his bags inside the front door and yelled something before I heard the door close again. I walked to the front door, only to see his car reversing out of the driveway and quickly driving away, down the street. When I played his voice back in my head, I realized that he had yelled something like, "Hi mom! I'll be back in 20!" Which of course, he wouldn’t be. Hours went by and I didn't even bother making dinner for him. When he finally got home, he offered some flimsy excuse about getting distracted at his friends place and gathered his bags and headed to his old bedroom. I sat in silence, surprisingly calm given the level of anger I had been experiencing for hours.

It finally dawned on me, he wasn't coming back out of his room for the rest of the night and in that moment, my fever broke. I was no longer angry. I was no longer quiet. I was no longer waiting for him to act the way he should. If I wanted respect from this boy, I'd have to take it. I got up and walked quietly to his door, opening it slowly. He was lying on his bed, in his boxers, looking at his phone. He turned and said, "What are you doing?" I quietly told him to shut his mouth and not to move a muscle. I quietly closed the door behind myself then walked over to his bed. I knew the foreign nature of my behaviour was enough to keep him utterly still. I took the phone out of his hand and gently placed it on his night stand. Looking back to him calmly, I bent over and picked up his jeans. "Sorry, I didn't - " I cut him off with a look and he resumed his frozen stance on the bed, wide eyed and fully attentive, for a change. 

As I slowly wrapped his jeans around his ankles like rope, I cross wrapped them a couple of times before I tied a big, secure knot with them in a comfortable silence. At least the silence was comfortable for me. I knew he was beyond confused but I just did not care at this point. My care had been wasted on him for years now, my displays of love for this boy were forever changed in this moment. Not only did I not care about his obvious discomfort, I was actually relishing every moment of it. His cocky little face finally showed an emotion other than indifference. As I moved on top of him, straddling his chest, he instinctively moved his arms above his head, staring at me with a strange fear in his eyes, like he suddenly realized the error in his ways. I started tying his arms up with the flat sheet that he had pushed to one side of his bed. As I finished, I stared blankly down into his frightened face and said, "I've got your attention now, don't I, Marty?" 

As his eyes met mine, I felt a surge of power enter my body as I pinned my boy down with all my weight. Yes, he'd become a big boy with age but I could still see that little boy inside. I wanted to burn away the arrogance of this petulant form, I knew I had to take him down a notch. I moved my crotch towards his face and I saw the horror flicker over his face. If he thought having his mom's pussy in his face was bad, he had no idea about the true degradation he was about to endure. My clothed pussy passed over his face, landing on his forehead. As I positioned my ass squarely on the tip of his nose, I felt my belly rumble. I felt it coming and used my hands on either cheek to slightly wiggle my ass a bit, letting out the most glorious fart, right in his face.

At that point, I couldn’t help but smile to myself. I knew this was supposed to be a punishment so I hid my delight by sitting down on his face again, full weight. Once I'd composed myself, I pulled up, looking down into his pale face. I'd silenced him, finally! And speaking of silent, I felt a silent but deadly fart seeping through my red, lacy panties right now! I quickly moved back into position as the stench seeped silently into his face. I moved off of him again, knowing that he'd have to take a nice, big gasp of that nauseating gas, right up his nose. Realizing that he was truly stunned into submission, I naturally began moving like an animal, grinding myself on him in whatever way felt best, disregarding the sacred boundary that had remained untouched until that moment.

Moving with my primal urges like I've never done with Marty before. He responded in turn, becoming a pliable, submissive recipient. I told him to take a deep breath in and when he did, I sat down on his face, moving my hips back and forth until I felt the bridge of his nose perfectly situated between the lips of my wet pussy and the tight, pink opening of my asshole. I could feel the dampness pushing onto his nose as I rotated my hips forward, arching my back for an inch of clearance, letting loose a loud, rumbling fart. He bucked silently underneath me and I couldn't blame him. The smell was truly horrid! Again, I concealed my giggling from my son as I sat back down on his face. I felt my panties wedge between my pussy lips as I soaked the gusset and I truly didn’t care.

Any guilt that I should have had about grinding my wet pussy and asshole into my son's face were immediately absolved when I got up to re-position myself. I turned around to sit on Marty's face, the other way. My body now pointing towards the rest of his room, towards his feet in an, almost, 69 position but with me still sitting up. The first thing I see is his throbbing erection sticking out of the top of his boxers. I mean, there's a chance he didn't notice how wet I was but there's no denying his level of arousal. Poor thing, I know that at his age, the slightest breeze can cause an erection but my empathy has been long scorched. I'll simply add this to the list of weaknesses to use against him. As I grind my ass back and forth over his face, he is perfectly still, waves of shame writhing throughout his body. I, on the other hand, am exempt. In my mind, this is the fault of Marty, and Marty alone, and that's why I keep riding, smiling to myself.

I ride his face now, becoming more explicit in a twisted assertion of dominance like I've never experienced. I've gained complete control. I move my panties to the side, flashing my pink, dripping wet pussy at him, mere inches from his face. My finger moving, momentarily, across my clit, instantly making my nipples hard. I tell him to close his mouth as I rest my wet pussy on his lips and chin, my asshole now pointed directly into his nostrils. Perfect timing because I feel the nastiest fart bubbling up! It works its way through my belly until the beautiful moment arrives. My asshole opens slightly, blowing the steamy gas right into his nose. It's so stinky that he momentarily opens his mouth to scream but I press my pussy into it, quelling his attempts. His tongue instinctively moves out of his mouth into the soft opening of my pussy for just a moment before he realizes what he has done.

He seals his mouth shut, clenching his eyes closed in an attempt to remove himself from this room entirely. I move myself off his wet face for a moment and I watch a drop of pre-cum form at the tip of his cock. I'm so pleased to realize how truly powerless he is to me! I'm tempted to ride his face roughly until I cum all over him, marking him like an animal, throwing him into a dark pit of shame and leaving him alone to suffer, like he's done to me so many times, but instead, I control myself. I save myself for my husband who will be home in a few hours.

I don't say a word, I simply grind into his face for a few minutes, casually releasing any gas I have directly into nostrils. He sniffs it up and attempts to stop himself from thrusting into the air with lust while I watch and smile to myself. I get up, silently, and untie him. I lead him to the bathroom, run a cold shower and watch him undress and get in. He doesn't dare look at me. Once he shuts the shower curtain, I slip back into my bedroom for a moment. I grab the chastity cage I ordered for him a few weeks ago and sit on the toilet, waiting for the cold water to serve its purpose of calming his erection. 

As he emerges, I silently motion for him to stand in front of me, his shriveled, cold cock and balls level with my face. I carefully maneuver him inside the cage and quickly place the lock on as I feel his cock attempting to erect once again, betraying the obvious shame he is feeling. I stand up and meet his gaze, finally, I smile and tell him to get some sleep. He slumps into a sad posture, wrapping the towel around his chest like a child. "I love you, Mom." He says as he leaves the bathroom, pausing to look at me. He hasn't said that without prompting since he was a kid! I say "I love you too, Marty, now go and get some sleep."

Hours pass, and Marty’s father arrives home from work. I let him fuck me roughly for a good half hour, stopping him every time he almost cums inside me. I don't hold back like I usually would when Marty is visiting from college. I let my husband fuck me hard and I reciprocate with the most lustful, guttural sounds of pleasure. I know Marty can hear me and I relish every time his father thrusts inside me, bouncing Marty's chastity key from the chain around my neck, moving it up and down, in between my bare tits. I know that Marty won't get any sleep tonight, making him even more pliable tomorrow. After releasing an amazing orgasm all over my husband's cock while he cums inside me, I roll over, exhausted and excited for tomorrow. This is the first time since he was a child that I have actually looked forward to seeing Marty in the morning. As I drift off to sleep I can't wait to have my son all to myself again.

Watch my Fart Mommy clip here.

Ribbed For Your Torture: Wrinkled Soles

Read time: 3 minutes.

A lot of you will never meet me, you'll never experience the pleasure of an in-person, private session with me. Perhaps you live far away, perhaps your life situation doesn't allow for romps with your favourite internet kinkster. What can I say, the sad truth is that some slaves will forever anguish outside of the pleasure of my presence. What could be worse than that!? 

Well .. 

​What if I started following you on social media, liking all your jokes, commenting on every post? What if I messaged you and desperately wanted to dirty talk? What if I asked what you were into and you told me something you've never told anyone? You tell me that you have a raging foot fetish and I tell you that I do too! I want nothing more than for you to worship every inch of my sexy soles with your wet tongue and once you start receiving the first few pictures from me, you realize something equal parts astounding and incredibly frustrating. I have the EXACT type of feet you like, super wrinkly ones!

It's barely a minute between when I gave you a throbbing erection and when you have your first orgasm, looking at my perfectly wrinkled feet. Over the next few days, you become consumed with jerking off to the pictures I send you. Every time you check your messages, there's new juicy, pink, wrinkles waiting for you to stroke to. It feels like you're going crazy, nothing else matters, you can't concentrate on work anymore. This situation is just so surreal and you're still reconciling with this new connection to me.

Soon you open your messages and under the new wrinkly sole pics I sent is a request. I'd love to see a clip of you stroking off to my feet. You gladly oblige and you don't have to wait long for my response. You see that I'm typing something and then this lands in your eyes, "you know I never give foot jobs in my sessions, but I would make an exception for you ;)" You can feel your cock swelling again. I tell you that your cock is delicious looking and I would let you fuck my feet as much as you want. I'd let you fuck my wrinkly, pink, squishy soles over and over, stroking up and down while I watch you release in between my sexy feet. You could cum all over them as many times as you wanted!

You explain to me that you can't come to Toronto, it's just not feasible. I reluctantly accept and over the next week, I continue my constant supply of wrinkly soled, close up pictures in your DMs. It seems crazy but you actually start brainstorming ways to visit me in Toronto. It's getting to the point where you start considering leaving your job, moving closer to me. Each time a thought like that pops up, you try to dismiss it but they just keep coming. Your behaviour has now devolved into that of an addict, justifying ridiculous acts to get what you want, all the while I'm begging to stroke your cock with my oiled up, wrinkly, juicy soles.

It takes you a few weeks, but eventually reason sets in. You realize why I chose you out of all the thousands of my followers. I saw that you love wrinkly soled footjobs, you didn't even realize your likes were publicly visible. Every, single, picture looked just like mine. I knew I could ruin your brain, I could fuck with your head, toy with your little heart strings. I could stroke your ego and make you feel special when I knew all along you would never be able to visit. I've bound you to me from across the world, made you suffer just for my own perverse amusement. I know you can never meet me so I guess you'll just have to keep watching from afar, knowing that you're missing out - and you always will! ;)

Here's the clip that this story was inspired by!

My Lil’ Wedgie Nerd

Reading time: 4 minutes.

I've known Steve for years now. He was always one of those guys who just seemed so awkward, no matter what he was doing. He could make putting on a jacket look awkward somehow, like a grown toddler fumbling through life, except - not cute. He tried being friends with my little sister but I told her not to hang out with him anymore. He's so clearly one of those dudes that just steals your panties and pretends to be your friend for years, waiting for his "chance". Luckily I've dealt with "men" like this many times and I take full advantage of their obvious weakness, stringing them along just enough, lulling them into a hilarious cycle of abuse and arousal.​

Steve knows that I'm a Domme. Sometimes I tell him about my scenes, just to watch his stupid eyes light up before I mock him relentlessly, calling him a beta male cuck. I threaten to make him eat my boyfriends cock if he doesn't contain himself. That usually shuts him up! Lately I've been getting Steve to bring me take-out when I'm tired or run errands for me during the day. This is my fee for putting up with his awkward ass. I've trained him pretty well, he generally behaves himself for the most part. The few times he's complained about how mean I am to him, I simply ignore him for a few weeks and he comes crawling back even weaker than before.

​The last time that Steve came crawling back, he brought me a bottle of wine and my favourite moisturizer from Lush. He was so nervous, he walked straight into my kitchen wearing his dirty shoes, placing his gifts on the counter. He turned around to look at me, pleased with himself but my mouth was totally agape, as I stared at his feet. He gasped and ran back over to the front door, bending over to quickly take his dirty shoes off.

That's when I saw them. The distinct, tight band of a pair of tighty whities. The look of disgust on my face immediately melted into sadistic delight. I could barely believe my eyes, I hadn't seen anyone wear those since I was a child! As he awkwardly shuffled his shoes into the closet, I completely tuned out whatever apologies he was muttering. I startled him, standing super close as he turned around. I smiled at him as he looked up at me, wrapping my hands around his thin waist. Suddenly, I'm Clark Gable and he's my tiny, feminine counterpart. I run my fingers up, under his shirt, finding the edge of that waistband hugging his stomach, embarrassingly high. As I slip my fingers down, along the edge of his sad, tight briefs, he looks down in shame. I burst out laughing with pure joy.

"Did you think I was about to kiss you!?" I am literally laughing in his face now but he won't look me in the eye anymore. I switch gears and fain seriousness, threatening to tell my boyfriend that Steve is trying to break us up. Steve nearly jumps out of his skin. He begs me not to, saying one of my favourite phrases, "Please, Bastienne, don't. I'll do anything you want!" I smile and giddily lead him into my cozy play room at the end of the short hall. He somehow looks smaller than ever as I loom over him, giggling to myself.

"I'm going to rip those pathetic tighty whities right off your body, Steve. Are you ready for the worst wedgie of your life?" I ask him, rhetorically. We both know he'll do anything I want at this point and I couldn't be happier. I lay him over my lap like a petulant child. As I start to pull his briefs up into his asscrack, I hear little moans coming from him. His face is pushed into the sofa as I toy with his dignity at my leisure. I start pulling harder, smiling to myself. His moans continue with each pull. I go harder now, looking under my arm at the back of his pathetic head. As I rhythmically wedgie his ass over and over, I feel something push against my leg. I run my hand between my leg and his body, where he's laying on me, finding the front of his briefs.

Steve has a massive erection and I burst out laughing, "is this actually making you hard?" He looks up at me in shock, he seems more surprised than I am at this strange arousal. I'm exhilarated by his seemingly endless submission to me and easily flip his body onto the couch. He's on his back now as I position myself above him. As I sit down on his face, I watch his dick pulse in his little tighty whities. I raise myself up only to ask if he likes the smell of my sweaty ass before plunking back down full weight, smothering the breath out of him. I flip him over again, positioning him on his stomach, kicking him into place when needed. I'm pulling those sad tighty whities up, watching his little butt cheeks emerge into the air, pumping involuntarily with every pull. His body is completely limp at this point as I begin mercilessly ripping away at his briefs, giving him one painful wedgie after the next. I can hear the seams slowly giving way, a delightful cracking sound.

I flip him onto his back again, sitting full weight on his face. I can barely hear his whimpers from under my thick ass. I start pulling his briefs up from the front in a humiliating and painful display of dominance. His whole body shutters in reflex, each time I yank on his pathetic briefs. I'm giggling my ass off this whole time while I humiliate him, tossing him down, sitting on his head, yanking his briefs up into his asscrack each time. He doesn't even bother struggling as I scissorhold his head between my strong legs forcing him to stare at the cute, red converse sneakers I'm wearing. I finally flip him onto his stomach and sit above him, pulling and pulling his briefs up his asscrack over and over

I hear him saying something quietly into the cushion of my sectional. I ignore him at first until I make out the words, "Bastienne I think I came in my pants." I immediately stop, telling him to speak up. He repeats himself and I burst out laughing in utter delight! This is one of the funniest things I've seen in a long time. I laugh hysterically and give him a few more good yanks before smacking his ass, leaving him in a cum soaked, pathetic, wedgie-loving pile! Now every time Steve visits, he knows to bring a pack of tighty whities for me to rip off of him. Maybe soon I'll give him an Atomic Wedgie ;)

Find my FULL collection of wedgie clips here.

Sensual Ballbusting

Read time: 3 minutes. Audio available with a paid subscription on Substack.

As I slide my hands down the warmth of his body, I lay my head in the soft familiar body hair running down his belly. I inhale deeply, breathing in the most comforting smell, the perfect packet of pheromones that makes my brain light up, perfectly satisfied in this moment. As my hand slides, I slow down, feeling a rush of excitement. This gorgeous, swollen cock is all mine to play with and it's fully erect, existing for nothing but my next move. I look up with a genuine smile and he looks down at me with the glazed-over eyes of a man deep in the grips of arousal, and rightly so, I haven't let him cum in 10 days. I feel every curve of my body illuminate with power, I arch into every inch of my femininity. My form rolls into his glazed eyes and I watch as his physiology deceives him once again and his cock bounces in lust, leaking precum. 

I preen him with a smile, tugging at his restraints, testing for strength as the tips of my nails lightly trail into forgotten places on his body. Along his ribs, behind his ear, the sensitive spots on his inner thigh, I brim with excitement. I adore the duplicity of this process, the layers of richness here. My fingers trace a line of neurons in his brain that have never been sequenced quite like this before. His eyes follow me but he is gone, deep in his lust, but I am sober, my consciousness becoming ever sharper as his dulls. I am the pianist and his body is a grand piano under the warmth of a summer night sky. I walk through the forest, up to my bench, I take a seat and begin to play a symphony of nerves for an audience of one.

As my left hand wraps around the cords of his testicles, I lay my head on his shoulder, looking into his eyes as my right hand joins in, pulling down on each ball equally, finding that perfect center of each. This is my call and I await his response. His eyes stay fixed on mine, lids half closed and his body curls weakly into this sensation. This is my green light. I crawl my body over top of him, lifting his head and tucking my arm underneath, my face inches from his, watching his eyes as I slowly draw my thigh up, between his spread, helpless legs.

Reality sets into a mind that is so ill-equipped to process. I've usurped the part of him that cares, I've guided that part quietly into these restraints while I've fed him the reassurance he needs to continue. I'm the violator and the healer and I can feel myself 50 feet above the earth as I place the first blow. It's so warm in between his legs and his neck meets my mouth as his body curves into itself, meeting me where I am in predatory stillness. My eyes close as I breathe in his intoxicating scent, opening again as my palm wraps around his neck, pushing him back down into his prone position.

My lips touch his and we lock eyes as I whisper, "Want another one?" As he brings his chin down, in the first nod of approval, my knee has already thrust into him. I leave it there and watch his face closely as he recovers. His breathing has become deeper and his eyes are saturated with confusion. I reach down and feel his abused balls, bypassing the length of his hard dick, feeling only the side of it twitch. I kiss his mouth and push my body into him, his form curling instinctively towards me, against his restraints, seeking comfort in the pleasure I hold.

I massage his balls, running my mouth up the side of his neck, breathing in his ear, "This might hurt". The words make my pupils dilate and I start my sadistic massage. I work my way, rhythmically, down the length of his balls, feeling the delicate curves of the cords leading into the sack itself. I begin by palming the entirety of both balls, sweeping pressure throughout each finger in turn. I burn the points of my thumbs into the center of each testicle, my teeth clench as I visualize his anatomy, the mere millimeters of tissue that separate me from destruction and I allow myself a moment to think about popping them open. I sink into this moment of his excruciating pain and let it fill my panties with the wetness I've been holding back for years.

I relax my jaw and my hands fall soft. I run my hands past his hard cock and lay on top of him for a few moments, bathing, for a moment, in my waning adrenaline. As I reposition myself, slowly, over his face, I tuck my feet under his shoulders. His face is perfectly positioned under me now. His laboured attempts at breathing combined with his best efforts to keep his tongue rhythmically at my service, leave me cumming in no time. As I release his restraints, I can't help but smile in a silly, satisfied daze. He watches my every move and finally, I kiss him, before motioning to his chastity cage. I sink into the distraction of my phone while he struggles with his cage. I check his lock and hold the key to his cage in my fingers before quickly falling into the most satisfying sleep.

Meet My Mallet

Read time: 2 minutes.

In full sensory deprivation, my submissive is in for a wild ride. All visual stimulation is replaced with just my touch, whether that be the good kind or the bad. Donning my sexy, white, surgical gloves, I stroke and tease him, toying with him relentlessly, keeping his cock swelling with blood, distracted from my sick plans. I can think of nothing more viscerally violating than the slow, measured penetration of a cold, sterile rod being plunged into his open urethra. His limits being pushed, his mind getting the proper fucking it deserves. I pull out my sounding set, unbeknownst to him, dancing and waving the rod to the silent, lecherous audience on the other side of the camera. As I slowly start fucking his urethra, I carefully slip the lubed up rod down his hard cock hole, staring at his confused, blindfolded face as I grin to myself. What a bizarre sensation for a bound and gagged submissive, only recognizing the sensation when it's too late to panic, he must accept this slow violation. I slip it deep into his body, stroking him gently in the meanwhile.
​

I know he can't see a thing and I couldn't love it more. I have fun rubbing lube all over him, up my own arms, under my bra and all over my sexy latex skirt. Glistening for no one but the camera, he doesn't even know what he's missing, I love it. The thrill of power is the only thing that makes me want to tease and this hits all the right spots. I mix the stroking with some rough ball squeezing and punching throughout, listening to him moan while watching his hard dick drip with precum. I edge him so mercilessly that he starts thrusting into the air, desperately trying to gain control of his own pleasure. I would never allow that. I'm barely even touching him but he's so desperate to cum that his cock is fully swollen. I've worked him up to this moment, an hour of hedonistic pleasure, but there is always a price. Time to bring out the mallet! I slowly introduce it to his aching, blue balls, a foreign object to his deprived senses. He hopes it's a fist, perhaps an elbow, until the weight starts drowning out those silly ideas. Bastienne and gravity, working together in tandem, keeping beat with my favourite playlist in the background.

I LOVE training men to cum from just ball abuse and this guy is more than familiar with my methods. I rhythmically pound his nuts with my mallet until he starts dripping cum, one stroke of the mallet on his ultra sensitive frenulum and he EXPLODES! It's truly amazing how much he cums after all this teasing and abuse. I absolutely it!

If you'd like to see it for yourself, you can buy the full clip here ;) or if you’re just dying to chat with a fellow ballbuster, like right now, check out this live ballbusting chat room I found and go get some ball torture ASAP.

Another Delighfully, Devious Holiday

Read time: 2 minutes.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, Fuck Christmas. Fuck the expectations, Fuck the waste of money, Fuck the waste of time, Fuck the guilt and Fuck being told what to do in general. I've cleansed myself of every negative aspect of the holidays, using it for what it truly is, an excuse to overindulge and have fun. I don't exchange gifts, I don't travel, I do ZERO things I don't want to do and I don't spend money, baby, I make it! From December 25th until December 31st I encouraged my gaggle of lovely subbies to join me in my peppermint scented rebellion! I hosted every day, riding the high of the holidays without the egregious pitfalls. I spent Christmas Day hosting multiple scenes, corrupting one man after the next with a plethora of kinky, organic scenes. I then awoke to a smattering of new requests, pleasantly spaced over the days leading up to New Years Eve.

Among the many memorable highlights was a full toilet training, duo scene I like to think of as "New Year, New Poo". Dressed as dual Marie Antoinette's, my friend & I turned our submissive into a multi-use object, attaching a tea tray to his face, forcing him to remain level and still for us while we relaxed. We sipped tea, listening to La Reine by Franz Joseph Haydn, a symphony composed specifically for Marie Antoinette during her reign. When nature called, the mask was lifted, and he served as our obedient chamber pot, left to dispose of our waste behind the pretty white mask that was quickly replaced upon his face after use. The demure, pastel atmosphere contrasted deviously with the filth below.

I also had the pleasure of creating multiple taboo, Mommy roleplay scenes over the holidays. There's something so salaciously delightful about roleplaying family dynamics over the the Christmas break, creating excuses to be left alone with my 'nephew' or favorite 'son'. One very nervous and intensely aroused client watched as Mommy Bastienne unwrapped her presents from him and tried them out while he watched in embarrassed delight. A bag full of lingerie and sex toys is what you get when you let your Mommy shop for you. After staring at Mommy's naked body and helping her choose her favourite lingerie set, this naughty boy got one last lesson from Mommy in 2019. After I warmed the dildo up on myself, I plugged it into my strap on harness and admonished my boy for being so inappropriate. Although Mommy enjoys the quality time and attention from her 'son', she also realizes that he must be punished and put in his place. As I mounted him from behind and thrust my cock inside of his tiny, white ass, I felt an orgasm swelling with each thrust, each motion rubbing against my clit so perfectly. My thrusts quickened as I orgasmed in my panties and as I pulled myself out of him, I slipped my used panties off, bunching them up and shoving them in his mouth, drenched. That's one way to get him to keep his mouth shut about our little, private present exchange.

Lastly, I had the thrill of playing out a ballbusting and smothering scene with a human stocking stuffer. That's right, a man stuffed into a human sized stocking, bound and ready for me to play with. I exhausted myself with laughter, wrestling his writhing body down, forcing him to submit to the full weight of my body on his face. Grinding my ass into him, destroying all attempts to breathe until finally allowing him a moment to catch his breath. While he gasps for air, I'm still in full control of his bound body and use this time to fondle his tender balls, scooping them in both hands before squeezing on them mercilessly. Although he writhes beneath me, I know he’s in ecstatic pleasure, in fact I can see it with my own eyes. When I finally dismount him, my cheeks hurt from laughing and we're both covered in sweat.

Or, I mean, you could have boring turkey dinner with your lame family - your choice.

Mommy Buys Her Son a Fleshlight

Read time: 7 minutes. Audio available with a subscription on Substack.

"Where is everyone?", you ask as you watch a smile spread sweetly across my lips. "I didn't get to spend enough time with my favourite boy this year, it's just you and me today." Your heart starts beating faster as a familiar feeling warms your body and you instantly look down to the place beside where my feet rest on the floor, your body barely angled towards me. A rush of excitement is followed closely by a sobering snap of shame. Your cheeks start to redden like the Christmas ornaments we hung together on the tree last week.

I slide in a little closer on the sofa and you try to ignore the fact that your head is perfectly parallel to my cleavage. The way you're staring straight down betrays you. I wrap my arm around you and you lean in, happy for a place to hide your rosy, little face. As I run my hands over your shoulders and down your back, you instantly feel a warm visceral safety, something that doesn't even require memory, it's just a total body warmth, a wave that takes you under.

As you press into me, a mess of hormonal nerves, I rub my bare foot against yours briefly as I cross my legs. Well that does it, any semblance of composure you had gained is now lost. The only thing saving you now is the position your legs are in, curled up, hiding the unwanted erection in your pajama pants. Not to mention the contradictory hiding spot your face has found in my cleavage. You've heard it countless times, "Your mom is so hot!", the kids at school are relentless. Their teasing doesn't bother you as much as the feelings of jealousy that bubble up despite your best attempts at suppression. This is the last thing you should be thinking about right now and you close your eyes in an attempt to gain control of yourself.

I feel your breathing increase and I know exactly how to comfort you. I run my hand into the space between your abdomen and legs, "let Mommy feel", I say as your body instinctively freezes. With my command, your legs relax enough for me to feel the very erect cock that's sticking up between your legs. "Oh my god, honey, don't be embarrassed! This is so normal! I would be shocked if you didn't have this reaction!" You look up at me in surprise then quickly look down again out of instinct. "All boys your age experience this. Oh my god, honey, I feel terrible I haven't had a chance to sit down and explain this to you. You must've been feeling so confused". 

You feel an incredible sense of relief, your body relaxing into mine as I give you a big hug, pulling you deeper into my breasts. Your hard cock is pushed up against my leg now and I pull you into it. It feels incredibly good and you feel like you might actually orgasm from this alone. It must be a combination of the sense of relief coupled with the physical contact, at least that's what you tell yourself. I pull away from you and hold your face, laughing, "Honey, I'm SO glad that this came up, I'm so excited to show you your present!" I get up and walk over to the Christmas tree, feeling your eyes on my body as I bend over to grab your gift. ​

As I plunk back down beside you, a few feet away this time, I clutch the present into my chest. "Okay, before you open this, I just need you to know that I only want the best for you, you know that, right?" I wait for your nod and continue, "that includes new things you haven't done yet and that might be a bit hard to talk about at first." You nod as you feel the return of the butterflies in your stomach, swelling and dissipating with each of my words. "You know you can trust me, right?" and you nod slowly, looking straight at me now.

As I hand you the box, you slowly unwrap it, looking back at me a couple times for reassurance. I smile and nod quickly, looking at the box, biting my lip as I gesture for you to hurry up. It's clear I'm convinced of your positive reaction and as the graphic of a naked woman is revealed, you stare at me, unaware that your mouth is hanging open. "Oh my god, give that to me!" I laugh and grab the box from you, tearing the rest of the paper off quickly. I present the Jenna Haze Fleshlight to you, staring at you with the most mischievous look. You're utterly paralyzed with confusion and excitement.

"Do you know what this is?", I ask with a huge smile. You shake your head no, although you have an idea what it is but you don't want to embarrass yourself any further by being wrong. I take out the long, wide tube, throwing the box on the floor and begin unscrewing the large, white lid. I turn it towards you and your red face says it all, you know what this is, you've seen a pussy before. "Have you been watching porn?" I ask as I wink at you and put my hand on your knee. It seems like I'm purposely arching my back at this point, making my chest seem even more appealing somehow. You nod and I reassure you that it's very normal for a boy your age, absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. 

My hand grazes your still erect penis and I giggle. "Well I can show you how to use it if you want" I say and you instinctively react by responding "Mom, that's weird." I laugh and tell you I'm not going to do it for you, obviously, I mean show you an instructional video. I see that you're apprehensive and explain that I'm never going to make you do anything you don't want to. The issue is that you have no doubt in your mind what you want to do, you just know what you've heard other people say about things like this and that wave of shame keeps you from being honest about what you really want. That is until I say exactly what you need to hear: "I promise I won't tell a soul, this is just between you and me." As you look up, I can't help but smile. We're going to have a lot of fun from here.

I grab my laptop and open a folder on my desktop. You see the thumbnails of a naked woman, her body in various positions but her face is not visible. The video I open for you is of this woman sitting on the floor with her legs spread open, the camera is focused closely on her tight, pink pussy as she fucks herself with a vibrating, purple dildo, moaning rhythmically with each thrust. I say that I'll give you some privacy while I go start breakfast for us. You've seen some of these videos before, you've waited until mommy was out of the room and found this folder many, many times before but you've never had enough time to enjoy them fully like this. As you watch over your shoulder for me to fully exit the room, your cock basically bursts out of your pajama pants and into that tight fleshlight. You've never felt something so good and as you cum hard into it's soft interior you pretend you don't realize that the video you're watching is of me.

After a few minutes, I call for you from the kitchen. You've been sitting beside your new, cum-filled fleshlight in a complete daze. As my voice snaps you back into reality, you make your way to the kitchen, the smell of bacon hits you, reminding you that you haven't eaten yet today. "Did you clean that thing out yet?" I ask you with a tinge of disgust. "No." your voice sounding surprisingly defensive, even to you. "Don't talk to me like that" I say in my strict tone, "Well, go get it then." And just like that you suddenly feel embarrassed again, like you've mis-stepped and ruined the day. You quickly run back to the living room and grab it off the floor, rushing back to the kitchen sink, hoping your haste can make up, in part, for your lapse in judgement.

"What the fuck are you doing??" I ask, indignantly. I grab it from you and ask why you thought it would be a good idea to put your dirty cum in the kitchen sink with our dishes. As you fumble for an answer, I shake my head slowly in disappointment and begin taking the soft insert out of the hard exterior casing of the fleshlight. You watch in shock as I begin walking towards you, placing one hand on your neck holding the pink, fleshy insert above your mouth. "Open your mouth." You do as your told and feel as your own cum starts dripping out. "Lick it, you idiot." I instruct as you awkwardly stick your tongue into the fake pussy, pushing the opening apart, allowing a huge stream of warm cum to flow into your mouth.

"Good, now go clean this properly in the bathroom sink." I say with the faintest smile. You take your time cleaning it, although you're unsure exactly how. You wash it with the hand soap, sticking your fingers inside, feeling yet another erection emerging. You panic slightly at the memory of what just happened in the kitchen, maybe the hand soap was a stupid thing to use too? You wipe the bottle off so it looks like you didn't use it then re-wash the fleshlight again in the bath tub using your body wash. You attempt to dry it with a towel but it just creates a coat of red lint on the outside. You begin to panic again, realizing you're taking too long, finally deciding to leave it at that, storing it away under your bed. 

As you join me in the living room for breakfast, I'm curled up in my usual spot on the end of the couch, plate in hand, eyes glued to the gardening show that's on the TV. Your plate is waiting for you on the coffee table. I smile at you as you sit down and you feel a sense of relief knowing that you're not in trouble anymore. As you sit down and say thank you, I say "no problem sweetheart, if you eat all your food, you can give me a foot rub after" and as I wink at you, a surge of blood rushes to your cock once again and you can't wait to spend the rest of Christmas day with your gorgeous mommy.

Merry Christmas ;)

Thanks for reading! Want to hear me read this post? It’s available on the paid tier of my newsletter here along with my backlog of erotica for $7/month ;)

The Heavy Duty, Pro Ball Crusher

Click the image above to visit my Etsy shop.

Read time: 1 minute.

I am so proud to present THE FIRST & ONLY industrial strength, heavy duty ball crusher designed specifically for ballbusting enthusiasts! Designed by me, ballbusting specialist and professional Toronto Dominatrix, Bastienne Cross. My ballcrusher is handmade in Canada and made with the thickest acrylic sheet plating of ANY ball crusher on the market, meaning high quality, safe play for everyone! This crusher was designed specifically to accommodate ALL sizes, no more slipping out of the sides or bottom of ill-fitting crushers. ​Achieve the exact squeeze you want without worrying about contact with the screws. The two large plates provide ample room for every sized user while the top plate design accommodates every experience level, allowing the user to adjust according to their anatomy and pain preference.

Crusher size is 9" in length x 7.5" in width. Bottom hole size is 2 & 1/2" and the top hole is 1 & 3/4", each measuring from side to side. The acrylic plates are 1/4" thick meaning they provide very little flex. Edges of the crusher are sanded with fine grit sand paper so you only experience pain where you want it, the testicles.

My crusher is used by some of FemDom's most intimidating and successful Dominatrices. It is the absolute industry standard for professional, dungeon quality ball crushers and CBT devices. Those who are serious about cock and ball torture insist on the best and invest in the quality of their toys. Pro Domme's who are currently using my ball crusher in their professional dungeons include: Vancouver's Mistress Damazonia, view her tweet about my Heavy Duty Ballcrusher here. Extreme cock and ball torturer and revered medical fetish specialist, Mistress Jill of Belgium uses my ball crusher, view her thoughts on my crusher here. Many of my talented Toronto peers use this ball crusher as well, including: Lady Delphine Belrose, Mistress Mindy and Mistress Violet Mays. Thanks as well to Goddess Macha for her recommendation of my crusher here.

My heavy duty ballcrusher is available for sale on Etsy, get yours here!

Watch my ball crushing inspirational video on YouTube video here!

Kitten: My First Female Submissive

Read time: 2 minutes.

I'd been waiting for this opportunity for years, listening to my peers talk about their female clients and wondering when my day would come. A couple weeks ago, I received a session request from a woman named Aria.  Ultimately, there are a few crucial steps between the initial contact and actually meeting, so I pinched myself and pushed my excitement into the future. I woke up the next morning to the notification of her deposit, securing her time with me. It was really happening.

I prepared for her session the way I always do, reviewing her booking form, taking notes and letting my mind wander with the details of her kinks, allowing mine to fill in the blanks. Like every scene with a new person, there's only so much preparation I can do. The chemistry of the entire scene doesn't reveal itself until the moment I am present with this new person. There is so much to take in about the way a person presents themselves to me and I feed off of that energy. I always hope for a naturally submissive vibe and Aria did not disappoint. She was nervous and adorable but polite and present. All the things that send my predatory attributes into hyper drive. I've always been turned on by sweetness, I want to hold it down and violate it and this was no exception.

Like putty in my hands, she did everything I told her to and surprised both of us by wanting to do more. For a first timer, she was truly impressive but as the more experienced player, I knew that this was the easy part, this is the fun part. Navigating the potential drop afterwards is another beast and one she will likely be alone for so we stayed in the height of the scene for only a few minutes. As I beat her I could feel the emotional pain being cut open and my cane was the knife. This is what I wait for, dancing in the blood, laughing through the darkness, rejoicing in this pure expression of humanity, something we all share, the feeling of pain. I had wondered if I could beat a woman like I do men, and my answer was here, I could.

I love humiliation play because it is so vulnerable. This person is taking control of their deepest fear and they're appointing me to the helm, I'm the executioner and the only witness. To plunge a person into the depths of their shame means you must also have arms strong enough to pull them out from the depths. One foot in the mud of cruelty and one firmly on the shore of humanity. We went slow and eventually became two people again. After we parted, I rode my top high well into the next day.

As I continue my journey with any new submissive, I love the process of building trust. Entering slowly into the dark realm of their psyche and mine. Two counterpoints, balancing perfectly on a teeter totter, an oily black abyss of shame and fear below. Being human and perfectly inhuman at the same time, the weight of the other being the only thing that keeps you firmly on that plank.

Please check out Aria’s website here. She talks about exploring masochism and submission in a very cute and creative way.

Family Day: The Kinky Way

Read time: 1 minute.

I celebrated Family Day in the kinkiest way possible, with three of my Dominant Female friends.  We hosted an all-day Taboo Roleplay themed event and had an absolute blast while doing it.  We each played different roles, taking turns as cousins, Mommies and Aunties, working in debaucherous tandem, playing off, not only, the vulnerability of each submissive but the energy and skill of the other Dommes.  I love creating and experiencing unique scenes like this so the day just flew by despite being quite long and packed with intense scenes.  The day ended with a salacious forced-bi scene with my sweet sissy sub taking his first cock. The whole ‘family’ watched as he submitted to my instructions and gagged on Daddy’s swollen cock. ​What an amazing way to celebrate ‘Family Day’!

Thanks to everyone who came out & played with us.  Keep an eye out for upcoming events, I love hosting on holidays! There's a built-in theme, everyone has time off and they're often so delightfully blasphemous!

Fuck Christmas

Read time: 1 minute.

I boycotted Christmas this year & I loved it.  Instead of spending time making small talk and dreading my plans for the day I hosted an all day debauchery fest at Studio Ludus and called it "Fuck Christmas".  That’s right, from 8am until 8pm on December 25th, I played the day away and it was AH-MA-ZING.  ​

The holidays create anxiety & sadness for a lot of people.  Pressure to get the right gifts, spend time with family and just generally be merry, leaves a sour taste in many people's mouths.  Instead of being something to look forward to, the approaching holiday season often creates a sense of dread as you pull up the mental laundry list of things you have to do.  Plus, those of us who are new to the city, aren't close with family or just don't observe religious holidays end up feeling totally left out. 

Well my dear perverts, I say Fuck That!  Let's make our own, devious fun & when your co-workers ask "How was your Christmas?" you can say, "It was.. relaxing" while you try not to smile.  Keep an eye out next year & FUCK CHRISTMAS with me!

Me and my human sized stocking on Christmas morning with my trusty strap on harness sitting on top - that pretty much sums up my day ;)

I spent the morning role playing as Mommy, observing a very perverse and private Christmas with my ‘son’. Gift opening soon turned into a hormone fuelled lesson about human sexuality - Mommy likes gifting sex toys, as some of you may know. The best way to show a young man how to make love is to switch roles and show him what it’s like to take a dick first. It’s all very informative as you can imagine. Once my eggnog accented coffee was finished in the morning, my afternoon visitors brought new holiday delights, indulging me in some bondage and ballbusting time! Another guest wanted to worship my feet as I enjoyed a new sex toy, another wanted a good spanking, the list goes on.

If this doesn’t beat (pun intended) your holiday experience, I don’t know what will! This is definitely my new holiday tradition! Join me next year for another kink-fuelled Christmas!

24 Hours Notice For Sessions

Read time: 1 minute.

I've toyed with my booking procedure enough to know exactly what works for me, yields the best scenes & attracts the best clients.  I'm an introvert, I value my alone time very highly and need to plan ahead in order to assure I get enough of it.  When I host sessions, I truly give it my all, before, during & after.  I pride myself on investing my full energy into creating scenes that excite me while also enveloping the kinks of my guest.  It's a creative process, one that I find challenging and invigorating.

​I would make more money if I offered same day bookings but I don't want more money, I want great scenes.  This is an important distinction I've made through trial & error.  My experiences have informed my booking process and the one I use currently has served me well.

Treat my booking process the same way you would any other professional service.  If you attempt to exempt yourself from any of my requirements, I'll assume you're not a respectful person in general and wish you the best before moving on.  Advising me of your very busy schedule or your successful entrepreneurship which precludes you from booking ahead serves two important functions, it tells me that:

A)  You lack respect for MY business.
B)  You're deceptive. 

So having a busy schedule or owning a business truly prevents you from booking appointments in advance?  Cool.  Let me see your calendar.  Are all the days empty besides today?  Didn't think so.  This would mean you never make it to the dentist, you're not capable of planning business meetings ahead of time, you're not able to make it to people's birthdays or plan vacations.  What a sad, erratic existence. 

The fact is, if something is important, you make time for it.  If it's not that important or something you'd like to fit in at the last minute if you've got free time, I get it but that means we're not compatible.  I plan ahead, I show up, I give it my all, please do the same.

The Best Medicine

Read time: 2 minutes.

As a new patient, I'd like to welcome you to my practice. I've helped countless patients find relief and I'm excited to help you do the same. My methods have been considered "unconventional", perhaps even extreme, but they are always highly effective and that is my primary concern. ​​Relief is my prime focus, alleviating clients of symptoms such as freedom, superiority, willpower, autonomy and an inclination to control. Using my renowned, in-depth assessment methods, I will quickly diagnose your symptoms & begin treatment immediately.

​Be advised: Persistent cases may require several treatments.

I specialize in Men's Prostate Health, Gender/Sex Re-Assignment, Annual Check Ups & Medical Waste Management. Upon contacting me for treatment, please advise me which of my procedures you are interested in.

Men's Prostate Health: Did you know that men need to have their asses violated at least once a year by a Female Dominant? It's true! My research has shown that not only is it a sign of a healthy mental attitude, it helps the community as well. In addition to providing a stimulating and powerful dose of ego-checking for the patient, I'm also donating $10 from every treatment to a prostate health charity for the entire month of November! There's no excuse to wait, book your prostate analysis & full attitude treatment today.

Gender/Sex Re-Assignment: Some clients simply need relief from the harmful and embarrassing expressions of their birth gender and we're here to help. This can be done in a variety of ways depending on client needs. Stripping clients of their gender manifestations is a complex procedure involving both the mind & body. Some prefer to remain conscious and engaged, while others prefer to be "out". Diagnosis and treatment will determine my gender management plan, depending on individual client needs. An overall experience of docility, contentment & humility is guaranteed.

Annual Check Up: My comprehensive analysis was designed to efficiently diagnose and remedy underlying symptoms of dominant or controlling behaviour. I aggressively treat all symptoms of male ego, leaving clients with a renewed sense of obedience and deference.

Medical Waste Management: This treatment is specifically designed for persistent or extreme cases. Only available on the weekends, this treatment is sure to alter any and all indications of superiority. Clients are effectively turned into my medical waste basket during a milking procedure on a regular client. Research shows that objectification & humiliation are the only proven treatment methods for those with severe symptoms. This method can also be used as a preventative treatment for those interested in maintaining their current submissive vitality. 

The procedure involves full immobilization of the clients body with clear, medical wrap, this facilitates a lessening of the clients ideations of bodily control and autonomy. The client's head is inserted into the side of a medium sized garbage bin and their mouth is secured open. The visual perspective from the bottom of a garbage bin has proven to be an intensely reliable method. As the client sinks into a deep state of resignation, they witness the entirety of a milking procedure performed on another client, this involves several extractions which are then dumped into the waste bin. 

My highly effective procedures have been carefully curated to treat a variety of symptoms. I welcome you to join us throughout the month of November for a medical assessment you'll never forget.

The Nurse will see you now.

It’s almost as if Nurse Bastienne delights in the pain of your medical treatment.

How to Prep for Pegging

Read time: 2 minutes. Audio available with a subscription on Substack.

When prepping for a pegging scene, my best advice is to listen to your body. You know your body best, if you feel a little full then you probably are. Use an enema bulb a couple hours before your session, I prefer this one. Flush yourself out a couple times until the water is essentially clear. I run room temperature water then squeeze the air out of the bulb before suctioning the running water into it. You'll have to do this a few times to get the enema bulb full. Use Vaseline, or any lubricant, to insert the bulb and squirt the water inside. Make sure that the bulb is as full of water as possible (you don't want to pump air into your butt) and make sure that the water is room temperature, the skin inside your rectum is super thin and sensitive, don't burn yourself. Then you sit on the toilet and release! You can do this as many times as you need to.

Also, mind what you eat on the day before your session. You know what disrupts your digestive system the most so generally avoid those foods 12-24 hours prior to a pegging session. For many that includes dairy, spicy foods and sometimes carbs. Some people even fast for 12-24 hours before their session or eat very lightly. That's entirely up to you, some people find it very difficult to fast (myself included) so you do what works best for your body. No professional wants you starving yourself and showing up to a session hungry and tired so do what works best for you.

That's it. the main take-aways are to: 1) Get a feel for your body and 2) Get an enema bulb and give yourself a few flushes prior to your scene.  Remember, as long as you do your anal prep and show up freshly showered for your session, who ever you've chosen to see for this service, appreciates the effort. There's no fool proof way of ensuring zero mess and as a service provider we all 100% understand and except this. If we weren't cool with the chance of a little mess, we simply wouldn't be in this line of work or offering this service. Be considerate of your hygiene and then ...relax. For more detailed instructions, refer to the illustration below. Stay Fresh ;)

Audio version with more info here!

Or check out my pegging skills in action here!

Pegging prep infographic 1/7, page 2, page 3, page 4, page 5, page 6 and page 7.