Tips for Your First FemDom Session
Read time: 8 minutes.
Is this your first BDSM session? First FemDom session? First session with me? Duuude - congrats! What an exhilarating step into professional kinky-dom! Most people are super nervous, which is very understandable but, believe me, there's nothing to be nervous about! I'm Captain Good Times - it's going to be awesome!
I've outlined the basics for you below and once you've booked with me, you're free to ask me any further questions. Below, I talk about performance anxiety, racing minds, letting me lead, being on time, communicating clearly and the reality of porn vs. live sessions. It's all included below, I hope this alleviates some fears and answers some questions.
1) Use Your Words.
Once you send me a deposit, you're my client. Congrats! You just promoted yourself from internet-stranger to internet-actual-person. Putting down a deposit gets my attention and the rules of engagement change. Now is the time to tell me a bit more about yourself, what you're into and what you're expecting. If you have any questions that would help you feel more comfortable walking into your first session, ask them!
The more comfortable you are during your session, the more fun we'll have, seriously. Things like: "I've always had a foot fetish but I've never done anything before so I'm not sure if I just like looking at them or if I want to worship them also" or "I'm really nervous so I might need some time to just chat at first" are perfect! I am merely an amateur psychic at this time (sarcasm) so while I hone my mind-reading skills, please communicate clearly, take your time, think things through and speak up.
Side note: Some people misinterpret the above as “send Bastienne a 7 page autobiography!” Nope. Let’s keep things reasonable. If we get to 60 emails exchanged before a session - that’s too many. If you’re sending more than a few paragraphs about yourself, I’ll likely request we just chat in person instead. Be succinct, honest and direct.
2) Don't Masturbate.
Sing it with me.. 🎵 When I think about you I DON'T touch myself! 🎵 Listen, as an avid masturbator, it pains me to tell you this: you can't masturbate before our scene. Think about when you are feeling your kinkiest, it's always when you're super pent up, right? Now think about when you are least interested in kink or even sexy times in general - ding! ding! ding! ding! ding! - it's right after you cum! Seriously, I want you to get the most bang for your buck and the best way to do that is to arrive as the horny little ball of submissive, kinky energy that you were when you initially reached out to me.
Practice edging beforehand, learn more about your body and your limitations. If you usually only masturbate every 2 or 3 days, maybe hold off for 4 days before you see me. If you're a more frequent monkey spanker, than maybe abstaining for a day is enough - you get the point. Know your cum limit and play within it.
3) Tell Yourself It's Okay To Be Super Nervous.
Understandably! I remember how nervous I was going to my first yoga class, I read through their entire website, checked out all their FAQs, looked through all their pics and kept trying to peak in their windows as I walked by. I was just trying to understand what the set up looked like, where I would be and what was expected of me.
Do you sign in at the desk? Will people know I'm new? What am I supposed to wear? What do you bring in with you? What if I don't know all the yoga poses? Where do you leave your stuff? All of these seemed like stupid questions and I felt completely out of my element. Months later, I found out that this initial reaction is totally the norm. That's why most people go to their first yoga class with a friend, because it's intimidating as fuck and we're talking about YOGA. Peaceful-ass-hippie-dippie-YOGA.
So, yeah, I totally get people being super nervous for their first BDSM session and I have nothing but respect for the person who shows up at my door shaking like a leaf. Damn, I can think of the few times in my life that I've pushed myself to do something that made me physically shake and OH BOY, I definitely look back at those times with pride and you should too. Bravery is not a lack of fear, it's being afraid and doing it anyway.
4) Realize That I'm Going To Be Nice To You.
Yep. I'm gonna make you feel comfortable as fuck, sorry to disappoint! I have to in order to explore anything with you, you have to feel comfortable and safe first. This also means, don’t ask me to “act” a certain way like strict or harsh. I shouldn’t have to say this but - I don’t take behaviour requests! My personality is silly, lighthearted and welcoming. Take it or leave it but it’s not negotiable.
5) Let's Ignore Your Dick - Together 🤝
If you’re a dick owner, much like yourself, your pecker will be scared. If it's not totally terrified initially, most boners tend to subside after about 15 minutes. Once the initial surge of adrenaline wears off, your weiner will likely calm down too This is totally normal and you don't need to apologize or even address it at all. As you start exploring deeper levels of BDSM, you discover levels of pleasure and power exchange beyond just genital arousal. Hell - check out chastity cages if it interests you at all, they're a great way to remove performance anxiety entirely while making it kinky.
Ultimately, I don't care about your boner and neither should you. You don't have to feel self conscious about what it is - or isn't - doing. It's all normal and fine, just leave the little guy alone, he's probably very confused or, if you're visiting for a CBT session, his feelings are probably hurt because you totally betrayed him ;D
6) Manage Your Expectations: Porn vs. Live Sessions.
I've had people experience their entire session through the screen of my phone - No - I don't mean a custom clip or an online session, I mean having a real, life session where the person watches the monitor of our session as I record, for their entire scene. This is porn addiction and it's very common. People are used to watching my clips and want to experience a session with me for themselves which I totally get, but, have you ever noticed that there aren't very many 45 minute FemDom clips? That's because clips and real life are different. They are two different experiences entirely.
Clips are heavily prepped and then edited down to only include the 'peak' part of the scene. They generally involve people who have a pre-existing relationship and chemistry. Think about how boring it would be to watch me make conversation with my sub for 10 minutes while I tie him down, making sure that he's comfortable enough to start, scratching his nose, getting him water, lightly running my fingers over his body to make him feel calm. I'm bored even describing it. It's like watching someone read a good book, watching and doing are different, they look the same, they feel very different.
7) Repeat After Me: I LOVE MY SAFEWORD! Me + Safeword = BFFs 4Ever!
Your safeword is RED. That's my favourite colour! Use it whenever you like!
8) Leave Your Insecurities at the Door.
I'm known in these parts as a bit of a chubby chaser, I also love long hair on guys, women with giant clits and petite dudes. That's right. Like you, and everyone else in BDSM, I’m a weirdo. I have my own, strange sexuality and set of specific kinks and none of them include square jaws and a 6-pack. I literally don't care what you look like, I care what you act like. Mind set is everything to me and I’ll always value an awesome, respectful, kinky person over superficial traits any day.
When I get cocky vibes from peeps, in session or otherwise, I politely cover my mouth and swallow (because it's rude to throw up when someone starts talking). Smile and nod, just smile and nod, Bastienne.
I love me some chubby folks, I also love petite peeps who make me feel really big, I like old bodies, medium bodies, hairy bodies, boobies, no boobies, tall, skinny, all different shads, all the kinds of bodies! I don't care! Ultimately I just like submissive energy from people, it turns me on. So don't worry about your body one way or the other, just be a cool person.
9) Be On Time.
Time is a widely accepted measurement relating to the earth's rotation around the sun. Many people engage in the use of 'watches' or 'clocks' which are mechanical or electrical devices for measuring time. These portable time keepers are generally used in order to coordinate and organize this concept of time for the clock user and others who interact with him or her. Time is also the only thing you can google the definition of and the top response uses the actual word in the definition (who am I? "FUCK IT". hint: it rhymes with bictionary).
This leaves you to have to make up your own definition (refer to first sentence) that's how time-y time is. Time is time. Time. Everyone, time to time. I'm going to name my first born child, Time. In conclusion, I highly suggest that all clients - and all people in general - engage in the use of time whether that be via a watch, a giant clock necklace or a mobile cellular device. Time is our mutual friend.
Here’s a handy visual aide I created about this subject and here’s a scientific explanation of time from my imaginary boyfriend, Joe Scott, on YouTube.
Be ON Time. Be on TIME. BE on time! BE ON FUCKING TIME. Yeah, I'm one of those 'time' people.
PS: Time.
10) Let Me Lead.
Mind racing goes hand-in-hand with being nervous, as talked about above. My goal is to get you calm and comfortable enough to enjoy yourself. Your job is to mentally submit while still being able to communicate what you need. It takes effort to achieve this mental state and it takes both of us to get there. Help me, help you. Power exchange rarely looks like a latex clad woman dramatically whipping a man, I mean, sometimes it does but more often than not it's more subtle.
It's simply a feeling, it's a frame of mind, a momentary vibe and it's hard to achieve with a total stranger. That's where good ol' Bastienne comes in. Trust me, I've done this for years, that's part of the reason you picked me, right? Don't try to calculate what I'm doing, why I'm doing it or what reaction you think I'm expecting, don't watch the clock and try to jam pack your time with activities. I'm not expecting anything, we're playing! Just relax and let me know if something hurts or you need something. Otherwise your job is to enjoy the ride - that's literally what you're paying for.
11) Know The Hard Limits.
Know mine and know yours. Limits are great. Know them, love them, kiss them, hug them.
12) Clean Your Butt.
If you’ve requested pegging or fisting for your session then do your anal prep in advance. Here’s my how to guide on how to prep for pegging.
13) Plan Your Trip.
Toronto is a big city with a bunch of people in it. Often times those people get in their cars and start driving themselves all over the place. They drive to the store, they drive to the park, they drive to their cousin's house to pick up weed, they accidentally drive over a bird, even though it was the bird's fault because it literally came out of nowhere and for some reason thought it was a good idea to fly under the car this time, even though going over the car has worked literally every other fucking time? (RIP 🐦)
They drive to visit their family, they drive to go to work, they drive to clear their head, they drive along Lakeshore to see how much richer some people are than them, they drive to Square One to buy a dildo, they drive thru Tim Hortons in the morning even though Starbucks is better, they drive to the dog park, they drive to a strange internet lady's place to get their balls kicked.
Trust me, there's all kinds of people out there driving all over the place right now, it's wild! Respectively, all of these activities are varying degrees of fun and I'm not going to brag or make the other activities feel bad, what I will do is ask that you take into account that traffic is a thing and parking is a thing. If you've never done them before, they tend to be a little unpredictable so it's best to google your trip beforehand or ask me any questions you may have about parking or bus routes. Give yourself ample time: refer to my explanation of time above.
14) Confirm & Review.
The booking and arrival instructions I send you are meticulously curated. Everything and I mean everything you need to know is there. You have to read and follow the instructions carefully or you’ll risk not being able to book with me again. I’m casual about everything except for logistics. Know this and go forth.
Also, if you have a good session with me, send me a review that I can post on my site :)
Thanks for reading! Here’s some more content for beginners to explore:
