2023 Kink Stats
Merry Christmas, I come bearing stats.
I love comparing actual data to perception, including my own. Certain kinks really stick out in my mind and the minds of others (looking at you, ballbusting) so I thought it’d be interesting to delve into the numbers and see what really happened in 2023.
If you’re following me on Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, substack or OnlyFans, you’re likely getting vastly different impressions of what I’m up to. Not only will you get different vibes from each platform you’ll get a different impression of what’s happening in real life.
Well, you know me, ye olde curtain yanker. Let’s hull the curtain back on what I was actually up to this year. I want to publish these stats so that bottoms and submissives can feel less alone and see how common certain desires are and which groups of people are requesting them. Plus, the vast majority of post-session conversation with new (or new to me) clients revolves around these questions and answers so there’s obviously an audience for this information.
If you’re a local Domme reading this, please use this information as entertainment, education or a way to find your own lane, please don’t copy and paste this info onto your website or into your booking forms, thanks. We can each have our own vibe and our own specialties, there’s plenty of weirdness for everyone. Here’s a post I made a few years ago called Attack of the Copy Kittens. It’s about the rampant and blatant plagiarism that happens in Pro FemDom along with suggestions on how to be ethical and respectful while also staying competitive and true to yourself.
Anyhoo, let’s dive in!
| Kink type or experience | Percentage of people who requested this kink out of total requests in 2023 |
|---|---|
| Bondage |
90% |
| Smothering / Facesitting | 57% |
| Spanking | 40% |
| Pegging | 34% |
| Fart Fetish | 24% |
| Golden Showers | 21% |
| Foot Worship | 20% |
| Breath Play | 19% |
| Tickle Torture | 17% |
| Mummification | 16% |
| Sissy / Feminization | 14% |
| Ballbusting / CBT | 13% |
| Trampling | 12% |
| Face Slapping | 10% |
| Cuckold | 8% |
| Sounding | 8% |
| Wedgie | 7% |
| Fisting | 3% |
| Wet & Messy | 1% |
| Cuntbusting | >1% |
| Balloon Popping | 0% :( |
Well my balloon popping cherry still hasn’t been… popped. Oh well, I’ll just keep my balloon-animal-making-fingers crossed over here in the meantime.
Ballbusting was only requested by 13% of people booking their first session with me. Simultaneously, it’s one of the most popular hard limits that people request. This is a perfect illustration of perception versus reality. I love ballbusting, it’s a specialty and passion of mine but it makes up a small percent of people who actually see me IRL. Now, if we look at my clip sales, that would be upwards of 70% of my most popular content. It’s almost as if it’s way fucking easier to watch ballbusting than it is to do it. No shade, just truth.
Smothering, spanking and pegging are way higher than I thought they would be. I’ve realized that they are kinks that are so ubiquitous they’ve just started blending into the background. Like when men ask me if I have many other clients who like to get pegged I always chuckle. Yes, my dear, tis my bread and BUTTer.
It’s also interesting seeing wedgie fetish and WAM fetish so low on the requests list. This is another example of me really loving certain kinks and promoting them a lot which, in turn, looks like I’m doing those kinks exclusively when in reality, they are just very weird and novel so I talk about them a lot. If you’re into WAM, fisting, wedgies, cuntbusting or any of the other less popular kinks, you’re a freak and I salute you (with a dildo).
90% of people requested bondage! This was a shock to me until I realized the level of double taking I do when a subby requests no bondage at all. I always feel this little pang of unfamiliarity, like attempting to remember a recipe you haven’t done in a while. Once you get your sea legs, you’re good to go but it’s always a surprise when people want no bondage at all.
I’ve prayed to the Lesbian Lords long and hard on this stat so I’m weirdly proud. I have sex worker friends who have an almost 50/50 female to male clientele and I’m jealous. I don’t think it’s feasible in Pro BDSM, testosterone is a hell of a drug after all, but, if you’re a woman, trans or NB (non binary NOT New Balance) and you’re reading this, come visit. Help me get my stats up for next year please.
I will say, although the percentage is lower for women, trans and non-binary folks, they tend to see me more regularly. I think this skewed my perception originally of how many of those clients I have until I saw the stats and realized they just visit more often. I’d say of my top 10 clients, meaning those I’m closest to, have seen the longest, feel a connection to and see most often, 5 of those people are not solo men.
Also, I just included gay men in there because I thought about it and they may be the only group I’ve never seen. The only way I can envision a gay gent visiting me is if it were him and his male partner, they have a D/s dynamic and the top wants to humiliate or punish the bottom by performing some version of ‘forced straight’. My god, kink is amazing, I am so down to clown.
Another interesting trend I’ve noticed, about half of the couples I see started as a solo subby. This means they came to visit me when they were single, got into a relationship and then visited again with their new partner. Do you know how cute and amazing that is? That is the equivalent of show and tell for kinky love! I have the best job and I’ll fight you in the streets if you dispute that.
This is the power of Mommy Domme roleplay. People always seem so surprised by how many younger people I see, even young folks themselves. I’ll often get the question “am I one of the youngest people you’ve seen?” or “you probably don’t see many people as young as me, hey?” At that point, I have to squish their dreams of being special.
Think about it, the MILF porn category floats around the first, second and third most popular category on most porn sites. The mommy dynamic is shockingly common just like its more popular, more mainstream counterpart Daddy Dom and LG.
There is also this perception that women in their early 20’s account for the vast majority of sex workers and it’s simply not true, especially in FemDom and other ‘in person’ interactions. In vanilla porn, yes, young women are the most sought after but real life is different.
Plus, we have to keep in mind that men between the ages of 18 and 25 have to be the horniest group of people on the planet so it’s not surprising that they might be overrepresented in everyone’s client list. They are full to the eyeballs with cum, what do you expect them to do? They need a mommy to spank if out of them, obviously.
Also, everyone skews a little weird here in BDSM and FemDom and women in their 30’s, 40’s, 50’s and even older are popular among people in their early 20’s because of the power dynamic it provides. It’s a perverted tale as old as time.
I personally find it very cute and I love the built in power dynamic, it works perfectly. I love asking them about school and their cute little hobbies and friends after sessions, giving advice and sending them on their horny, little way.
I’m 38 at the time of this posting so I’m not shocked that the majority (45%) of my clients are in my age range. It makes sense to me. Also, for those who are curious, the oldest person I saw this year was 83 and yes, I was gentle with him. A lot of older folks (65+) who see me are crossing items off of their bucket list. They often have never talked about their kinks due to generational differences and it’s always such an intimate and enlightening experience.
| Question on my booking form | Most common answer and percentage of people who responded that way |
|---|---|
| Are you an exhibitionist? Have you fantasized about being featured in my clips or on my social media? | 52% answered YES |
| If you're interested in some sort of training, which kink would you like to focus on? | 24% answered OBJECTIFICATION |
| How were you introduced to FemDom? | 35% answered FEMDOM CLIPS / PORN |
| How would you describe your experience level? Total newbie, beginner, intermediate or advanced? | 54% answered BEGINNER |
| Do you think you'll be nervous on the day of our first session? | 83% answered YES |
| Are you interested in roleplay? | 55% answered NO |
| How much experience do you have being in bondage? | 62% answered SOME |
| Men interested in some heteroflexible activity including: Attraction to trans girls, forced bi sessions or cuckoldry | 73% answered YES |
Probably the most important stat in this whole post is the 83% of people being nervous for, not only their first session, but subsequent sessions too. Most people are nervous and you should be! I'm nervous too. Meeting new people is hard and meeting new people and their butthole is even harder.
I think people are fibbing about being introduced to FemDom via clips. I think the stat is actually higher and people want me to think they are cool, but that’s just my opinion.
The most popular type of training requested is objectification and that’s not surprising to me. This includes sissification, forced bi training and sex slave roleplay. If you’re not familiar with these types of desires, you should definitely read this blog post titled Sexual Objectification and Dehumanization Kinks that I wrote earlier this year. It explains the psychology and motivation behind these popular fantasies.
Men being bisexual, pansexual or bi curious is still stigmatized. It’s important for everyone to know that men are just as sexually fluid and open as women and it’s all good. Everyone can just take a deep breath and calm down about it. If you’re interested in this subject you should definitely check out this substack post I did in 2021 called “The Gayest Fetishes of All.” I was shocked how many men came out of the woodwork to thank me for that post.
If you’re a human being on the planet, you are in the majority if you think dicks are, at least, mildly interesting to interact with. It’s no biggie, let’s all calm down.
Welcome to chocolate starfish town! 2023 was all about bound, bunghole adventures! Also, paddles made a surprising appearance and my trusty smotherbox has continued to serve its kinky purpose. Not surprisingly bondage restraints are the number one requested piece of equipment. This is why I recently invested in expensive, fancy medical bondage from Germany! Give the people what they want!
This might be the dorkiest of all the stats and I can’t tell you how often I’ve resorted to blaming the gosh darn moon for these seemingly random ebs and flows. What’s interesting is that these months often correspond with online sales too. So international sales of clips and things on OnlyFans often shadow these trends which negates theories about the Canadian winter. A cursory glance would indicate that the winter months are busiest (for me), the summer months are slowest and the transition months in the fall and spring are somewhere in between.
Ballbusting is grouped in with the #1 category of “Pain”. People are often shocked that they can request that I not kick them in them balls and that’s how I know that I’ve created a wonderful life for myself. All joking aside, hard limits are the most important element in a BDSM relationship. If you can’t accept another person’s hard limits, you can’t play with them. It’s what separates BDSM from abuse so have as many hard limits as you like!
Side note, I find it funny how often people indicate they don’t want me to put needles in them or make them bleed because I actually have a fear of needles and I don’t want anything to do with blood so - ditto, my friend.
I love that humiliation ranks so highly as a hard limit. It’s just another statistic that flies in the face of FemDom stereotypes and you know how much I love that shit. The words Dominatrix, BDSM and slave all conjure up a very narrow image for most people. The fact that the majority of my subbies don’t want to be humiliated is evidence that BDSM is a lot more fluid, all encompassing and accommodating than most would suspect. Also, praise and approval kinks are the new rising star of requests for me this year! Maybe it’ll land on the most requested list next year.
Shout out to penetration and sounding which didn’t make the top 5 but are always popular hard limits.
Wow, the Americans freaking love me! It’s probably got to do with their population being so much higher than ours and proximity but it’s still cool as hell. Yes, we Canadians make fun of Americans just like everyone else in the world, but, at the end of the day, you guys are like our big brothers. You give us noogies and make us play as Luigi but we still love you. I’ve also had a crazy influx of Americans visiting just to play with me which is flattering as hell. Shout out to California, New York, Missouri, Connecticut and Florida!
Another theory I’ve heard from American Dommes is that their Pro Domme culture is a lot more hardcore than ours and Canadian subbies are sometimes seen as needy or soft. Kind of fits with our reputation I suppose. I’m not sure, this is purely speculative and anecdotal but maybe that’s why American subbies visit me? I have no clue.
Anyways, I will always ask Americans if they really leave their shoes on in their houses and I will pick a fight about who’s money is cooler (hint: it’s ours because yours all looks the same no matter how many times you say that it doesn’t and it feels like t-shirts).
I’ve also had people visit from Israel, Germany, Sweden and the UK this year! Yes, I will adopt your accent and wear your glasses, it’s part of visiting me. Speaking of, can someone from Australia or NZ visit? What the hell? I’m over here watching Australian Taskmaster, Australian LOL and Australian Big Brother like an Oceanic starved freak. We can go smoko, eat eucalyptus leaves, sheer sheep and drink out of shoes or whatever the hell you guys do. Kiwis too!
Also, here’s some stats about the listenership of The Trust & Thrust Podcast on substack. Listeners in 46 countries! So freaking cool. If you’d like a sincere peak behind the curtain of my life as a Dominatrix, you should definitely check out the 130+ posts in the archive over there.
Lastly for Christmas, I’d like to give you some loving admonishment, which (come to think of it) should really be my business tagline. Stop feeling weird and bad about your sexuality. Just stop it. I’ve posted all of the above information because I’ve got a lot of it and I know it’s going to be really enlightening to some people out there.
If you’d like a list of things to actually feel bad about, here you go: Purposely harming other people, making other people’s lives worse for knowing you, hurting animals or minors, stealing, being generally shitty, not helping people who need it, not defending people who can’t help themselves or taking advantage of people in worse situations than you. There you go, there’s a bunch of legitimate reasons you can feel bad about yourself, otherwise, cut it out.
If you’re beating yourself up because you cum to something weird, get out of your own ass (figuratively, not literally, keep those fingers warm) and realize you’re not hurting anyone and you might actually be helping someone. If you’re buying niche porn, patronizing an indie sex worker, sharing your kinks with someone who might need to feel less weird or making someone cum, you’re being a little, kink angel. Look around the world and realize that real, fucking monsters exist. You think you getting a boner from pee-pee matters?? Get over yourself, put your wig on, fart on a cake, get the slip’n’slide ready, tie your balls in a knot, zip up my porcupine costume, get your favourite dildo out, and suck it. Who gives a fuck? Not me, that’s for sure. Merry Kinkmas.
