Mommy Buys Her Son a Fleshlight

Read time: 7 minutes. Audio available with a subscription on Substack.

"Where is everyone?", you ask as you watch a smile spread sweetly across my lips. "I didn't get to spend enough time with my favourite boy this year, it's just you and me today." Your heart starts beating faster as a familiar feeling warms your body and you instantly look down to the place beside where my feet rest on the floor, your body barely angled towards me. A rush of excitement is followed closely by a sobering snap of shame. Your cheeks start to redden like the Christmas ornaments we hung together on the tree last week.

I slide in a little closer on the sofa and you try to ignore the fact that your head is perfectly parallel to my cleavage. The way you're staring straight down betrays you. I wrap my arm around you and you lean in, happy for a place to hide your rosy, little face. As I run my hands over your shoulders and down your back, you instantly feel a warm visceral safety, something that doesn't even require memory, it's just a total body warmth, a wave that takes you under.

As you press into me, a mess of hormonal nerves, I rub my bare foot against yours briefly as I cross my legs. Well that does it, any semblance of composure you had gained is now lost. The only thing saving you now is the position your legs are in, curled up, hiding the unwanted erection in your pajama pants. Not to mention the contradictory hiding spot your face has found in my cleavage. You've heard it countless times, "Your mom is so hot!", the kids at school are relentless. Their teasing doesn't bother you as much as the feelings of jealousy that bubble up despite your best attempts at suppression. This is the last thing you should be thinking about right now and you close your eyes in an attempt to gain control of yourself.

I feel your breathing increase and I know exactly how to comfort you. I run my hand into the space between your abdomen and legs, "let Mommy feel", I say as your body instinctively freezes. With my command, your legs relax enough for me to feel the very erect cock that's sticking up between your legs. "Oh my god, honey, don't be embarrassed! This is so normal! I would be shocked if you didn't have this reaction!" You look up at me in surprise then quickly look down again out of instinct. "All boys your age experience this. Oh my god, honey, I feel terrible I haven't had a chance to sit down and explain this to you. You must've been feeling so confused". 

You feel an incredible sense of relief, your body relaxing into mine as I give you a big hug, pulling you deeper into my breasts. Your hard cock is pushed up against my leg now and I pull you into it. It feels incredibly good and you feel like you might actually orgasm from this alone. It must be a combination of the sense of relief coupled with the physical contact, at least that's what you tell yourself. I pull away from you and hold your face, laughing, "Honey, I'm SO glad that this came up, I'm so excited to show you your present!" I get up and walk over to the Christmas tree, feeling your eyes on my body as I bend over to grab your gift. ​

As I plunk back down beside you, a few feet away this time, I clutch the present into my chest. "Okay, before you open this, I just need you to know that I only want the best for you, you know that, right?" I wait for your nod and continue, "that includes new things you haven't done yet and that might be a bit hard to talk about at first." You nod as you feel the return of the butterflies in your stomach, swelling and dissipating with each of my words. "You know you can trust me, right?" and you nod slowly, looking straight at me now.

As I hand you the box, you slowly unwrap it, looking back at me a couple times for reassurance. I smile and nod quickly, looking at the box, biting my lip as I gesture for you to hurry up. It's clear I'm convinced of your positive reaction and as the graphic of a naked woman is revealed, you stare at me, unaware that your mouth is hanging open. "Oh my god, give that to me!" I laugh and grab the box from you, tearing the rest of the paper off quickly. I present the Jenna Haze Fleshlight to you, staring at you with the most mischievous look. You're utterly paralyzed with confusion and excitement.

"Do you know what this is?", I ask with a huge smile. You shake your head no, although you have an idea what it is but you don't want to embarrass yourself any further by being wrong. I take out the long, wide tube, throwing the box on the floor and begin unscrewing the large, white lid. I turn it towards you and your red face says it all, you know what this is, you've seen a pussy before. "Have you been watching porn?" I ask as I wink at you and put my hand on your knee. It seems like I'm purposely arching my back at this point, making my chest seem even more appealing somehow. You nod and I reassure you that it's very normal for a boy your age, absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. 

My hand grazes your still erect penis and I giggle. "Well I can show you how to use it if you want" I say and you instinctively react by responding "Mom, that's weird." I laugh and tell you I'm not going to do it for you, obviously, I mean show you an instructional video. I see that you're apprehensive and explain that I'm never going to make you do anything you don't want to. The issue is that you have no doubt in your mind what you want to do, you just know what you've heard other people say about things like this and that wave of shame keeps you from being honest about what you really want. That is until I say exactly what you need to hear: "I promise I won't tell a soul, this is just between you and me." As you look up, I can't help but smile. We're going to have a lot of fun from here.

I grab my laptop and open a folder on my desktop. You see the thumbnails of a naked woman, her body in various positions but her face is not visible. The video I open for you is of this woman sitting on the floor with her legs spread open, the camera is focused closely on her tight, pink pussy as she fucks herself with a vibrating, purple dildo, moaning rhythmically with each thrust. I say that I'll give you some privacy while I go start breakfast for us. You've seen some of these videos before, you've waited until mommy was out of the room and found this folder many, many times before but you've never had enough time to enjoy them fully like this. As you watch over your shoulder for me to fully exit the room, your cock basically bursts out of your pajama pants and into that tight fleshlight. You've never felt something so good and as you cum hard into it's soft interior you pretend you don't realize that the video you're watching is of me.

After a few minutes, I call for you from the kitchen. You've been sitting beside your new, cum-filled fleshlight in a complete daze. As my voice snaps you back into reality, you make your way to the kitchen, the smell of bacon hits you, reminding you that you haven't eaten yet today. "Did you clean that thing out yet?" I ask you with a tinge of disgust. "No." your voice sounding surprisingly defensive, even to you. "Don't talk to me like that" I say in my strict tone, "Well, go get it then." And just like that you suddenly feel embarrassed again, like you've mis-stepped and ruined the day. You quickly run back to the living room and grab it off the floor, rushing back to the kitchen sink, hoping your haste can make up, in part, for your lapse in judgement.

"What the fuck are you doing??" I ask, indignantly. I grab it from you and ask why you thought it would be a good idea to put your dirty cum in the kitchen sink with our dishes. As you fumble for an answer, I shake my head slowly in disappointment and begin taking the soft insert out of the hard exterior casing of the fleshlight. You watch in shock as I begin walking towards you, placing one hand on your neck holding the pink, fleshy insert above your mouth. "Open your mouth." You do as your told and feel as your own cum starts dripping out. "Lick it, you idiot." I instruct as you awkwardly stick your tongue into the fake pussy, pushing the opening apart, allowing a huge stream of warm cum to flow into your mouth.

"Good, now go clean this properly in the bathroom sink." I say with the faintest smile. You take your time cleaning it, although you're unsure exactly how. You wash it with the hand soap, sticking your fingers inside, feeling yet another erection emerging. You panic slightly at the memory of what just happened in the kitchen, maybe the hand soap was a stupid thing to use too? You wipe the bottle off so it looks like you didn't use it then re-wash the fleshlight again in the bath tub using your body wash. You attempt to dry it with a towel but it just creates a coat of red lint on the outside. You begin to panic again, realizing you're taking too long, finally deciding to leave it at that, storing it away under your bed. 

As you join me in the living room for breakfast, I'm curled up in my usual spot on the end of the couch, plate in hand, eyes glued to the gardening show that's on the TV. Your plate is waiting for you on the coffee table. I smile at you as you sit down and you feel a sense of relief knowing that you're not in trouble anymore. As you sit down and say thank you, I say "no problem sweetheart, if you eat all your food, you can give me a foot rub after" and as I wink at you, a surge of blood rushes to your cock once again and you can't wait to spend the rest of Christmas day with your gorgeous mommy.

Merry Christmas ;)

Thanks for reading! Want to hear me read this post? It’s available on the paid tier of my newsletter here along with my backlog of erotica for $7/month ;)

The Heavy Duty, Pro Ball Crusher

UPDATED: February 3rd, 2026!

Read time: 2 minutes.

I am so proud to present THE FIRST & ONLY no flex, heavy duty ball, dungeon worthy ball crusher designed specifically for Pro Dommes and experienced ballbusting enthusiasts! Designed by me, professional ballbuster and Toronto Dominatrix, Bastienne Cross. My ball crusher was designed by me and each one is handmade here in Canada. Made with the thickest acrylic sheet plating of ANY ball crusher on the market, meaning it’s high quality and built for endurance.

This crusher was designed specifically to accommodate ALL sizes. No more slipping out of the sides or bottom of ill-fitting crushers. ​Achieve the exact squeeze you want without worrying about contact with the screws. The two large plates provide ample room for every sized user while the top plate design accommodates every experience level, allowing the user to adjust according to their anatomy and pain preference.

The design offers dynamic use depending on each user’s anatomy and pain threshold. Control pressure from each corner to create the perfect squeeze for you.

Crusher size is 9" in length x 7.5" in width. Bottom hole size is 2 & 1/2" and the top hole is 1 & 3/4", each measuring from side to side. The acrylic plates are 1/4" thick meaning they provide essentially no flex. Edges of the crusher are hand sanded with fine grit sand paper so you only experience pain where you want it, the testicles.

My crusher is used by some of FemDom's most intimidating and successful Dominatrices. It is the absolute industry standard for professional, dungeon quality ball crushers and CBT devices. Those who are serious about cock and ball torture insist on the best and invest in the quality of their toys. Pro Domme's who are currently using my ball crusher in their professional dungeons include: Vancouver's Mistress Damazonia, view her tweet about my Heavy Duty Ballcrusher here. Extreme cock and ball torturer and revered medical fetish specialist, Mistress Jill of Belgium also uses my ball crusher in her studio.

Many of my talented Toronto peers use this ball crusher as well, including: Lady Delphine Belrose, Mistress Mindy and Mistress Violet Mays. Thanks as well to Goddess Macha for her recommendation of my crusher here in her list of must have CBT toys.

Kitten: My First Female Submissive

Read time: 2 minutes.

I'd been waiting for this opportunity for years, listening to my peers talk about their female clients and wondering when my day would come. A couple weeks ago, I received a session request from a woman named Aria.  Ultimately, there are a few crucial steps between the initial contact and actually meeting, so I pinched myself and pushed my excitement into the future. I woke up the next morning to the notification of her deposit, securing her time with me. It was really happening.

I prepared for her session the way I always do, reviewing her booking form, taking notes and letting my mind wander with the details of her kinks, allowing mine to fill in the blanks. Like every scene with a new person, there's only so much preparation I can do. The chemistry of the entire scene doesn't reveal itself until the moment I am present with this new person. There is so much to take in about the way a person presents themselves to me and I feed off of that energy. I always hope for a naturally submissive vibe and Aria did not disappoint. She was nervous and adorable but polite and present. All the things that send my predatory attributes into hyper drive. I've always been turned on by sweetness, I want to hold it down and violate it and this was no exception.

Like putty in my hands, she did everything I told her to and surprised both of us by wanting to do more. For a first timer, she was truly impressive but as the more experienced player, I knew that this was the easy part, this is the fun part. Navigating the potential drop afterwards is another beast and one she will likely be alone for so we stayed in the height of the scene for only a few minutes. As I beat her I could feel the emotional pain being cut open and my cane was the knife. This is what I wait for, dancing in the blood, laughing through the darkness, rejoicing in this pure expression of humanity, something we all share, the feeling of pain. I had wondered if I could beat a woman like I do men, and my answer was here, I could.

I love humiliation play because it is so vulnerable. This person is taking control of their deepest fear and they're appointing me to the helm, I'm the executioner and the only witness. To plunge a person into the depths of their shame means you must also have arms strong enough to pull them out from the depths. One foot in the mud of cruelty and one firmly on the shore of humanity. We went slow and eventually became two people again. After we parted, I rode my top high well into the next day.

As I continue my journey with any new submissive, I love the process of building trust. Entering slowly into the dark realm of their psyche and mine. Two counterpoints, balancing perfectly on a teeter totter, an oily black abyss of shame and fear below. Being human and perfectly inhuman at the same time, the weight of the other being the only thing that keeps you firmly on that plank.

Please check out Aria’s website here. She talks about exploring masochism and submission in a very cute and creative way.

Family Day: The Kinky Way

Read time: 1 minute.

I celebrated Family Day in the kinkiest way possible, with three of my Dominant Female friends.  We hosted an all-day Taboo Roleplay themed event and had an absolute blast while doing it.  We each played different roles, taking turns as cousins, Mommies and Aunties, working in debaucherous tandem, playing off, not only, the vulnerability of each submissive but the energy and skill of the other Dommes.  I love creating and experiencing unique scenes like this so the day just flew by despite being quite long and packed with intense scenes.  The day ended with a salacious forced-bi scene with my sweet sissy sub taking his first cock. The whole ‘family’ watched as he submitted to my instructions and gagged on Daddy’s swollen cock. ​What an amazing way to celebrate ‘Family Day’!

Thanks to everyone who came out & played with us.  Keep an eye out for upcoming events, I love hosting on holidays! There's a built-in theme, everyone has time off and they're often so delightfully blasphemous!

Fuck Christmas

Read time: 1 minute.

I boycotted Christmas this year & I loved it.  Instead of spending time making small talk and dreading my plans for the day I hosted an all day debauchery fest at Studio Ludus and called it "Fuck Christmas".  That’s right, from 8am until 8pm on December 25th, I played the day away and it was AH-MA-ZING.  ​

The holidays create anxiety & sadness for a lot of people.  Pressure to get the right gifts, spend time with family and just generally be merry, leaves a sour taste in many people's mouths.  Instead of being something to look forward to, the approaching holiday season often creates a sense of dread as you pull up the mental laundry list of things you have to do.  Plus, those of us who are new to the city, aren't close with family or just don't observe religious holidays end up feeling totally left out. 

Well my dear perverts, I say Fuck That!  Let's make our own, devious fun & when your co-workers ask "How was your Christmas?" you can say, "It was.. relaxing" while you try not to smile.  Keep an eye out next year & FUCK CHRISTMAS with me!

Me and my human sized stocking on Christmas morning with my trusty strap on harness sitting on top - that pretty much sums up my day ;)

I spent the morning role playing as Mommy, observing a very perverse and private Christmas with my ‘son’. Gift opening soon turned into a hormone fuelled lesson about human sexuality - Mommy likes gifting sex toys, as some of you may know. The best way to show a young man how to make love is to switch roles and show him what it’s like to take a dick first. It’s all very informative as you can imagine. Once my eggnog accented coffee was finished in the morning, my afternoon visitors brought new holiday delights, indulging me in some bondage and ballbusting time! Another guest wanted to worship my feet as I enjoyed a new sex toy, another wanted a good spanking, the list goes on.

If this doesn’t beat (pun intended) your holiday experience, I don’t know what will! This is definitely my new holiday tradition! Join me next year for another kink-fuelled Christmas!

24 Hours Notice For Sessions

Read time: 1 minute.

I've toyed with my booking procedure enough to know exactly what works for me, yields the best scenes & attracts the best clients.  I'm an introvert, I value my alone time very highly and need to plan ahead in order to assure I get enough of it.  When I host sessions, I truly give it my all, before, during & after.  I pride myself on investing my full energy into creating scenes that excite me while also enveloping the kinks of my guest.  It's a creative process, one that I find challenging and invigorating.

​I would make more money if I offered same day bookings but I don't want more money, I want great scenes.  This is an important distinction I've made through trial & error.  My experiences have informed my booking process and the one I use currently has served me well.

Treat my booking process the same way you would any other professional service.  If you attempt to exempt yourself from any of my requirements, I'll assume you're not a respectful person in general and wish you the best before moving on.  Advising me of your very busy schedule or your successful entrepreneurship which precludes you from booking ahead serves two important functions, it tells me that:

A)  You lack respect for MY business.
B)  You're deceptive. 

So having a busy schedule or owning a business truly prevents you from booking appointments in advance?  Cool.  Let me see your calendar.  Are all the days empty besides today?  Didn't think so.  This would mean you never make it to the dentist, you're not capable of planning business meetings ahead of time, you're not able to make it to people's birthdays or plan vacations.  What a sad, erratic existence. 

The fact is, if something is important, you make time for it.  If it's not that important or something you'd like to fit in at the last minute if you've got free time, I get it but that means we're not compatible.  I plan ahead, I show up, I give it my all, please do the same.

The Best Medicine

Read time: 2 minutes.

As a new patient, I'd like to welcome you to my practice. I've helped countless patients find relief and I'm excited to help you do the same. My methods have been considered "unconventional", perhaps even extreme, but they are always highly effective and that is my primary concern. ​​Relief is my prime focus, alleviating clients of symptoms such as freedom, superiority, willpower, autonomy and an inclination to control. Using my renowned, in-depth assessment methods, I will quickly diagnose your symptoms & begin treatment immediately.

​Be advised: Persistent cases may require several treatments.

I specialize in Men's Prostate Health, Gender/Sex Re-Assignment, Annual Check Ups & Medical Waste Management. Upon contacting me for treatment, please advise me which of my procedures you are interested in.

Men's Prostate Health: Did you know that men need to have their asses violated at least once a year by a Female Dominant? It's true! My research has shown that not only is it a sign of a healthy mental attitude, it helps the community as well. In addition to providing a stimulating and powerful dose of ego-checking for the patient, I'm also donating $10 from every treatment to a prostate health charity for the entire month of November! There's no excuse to wait, book your prostate analysis & full attitude treatment today.

Gender/Sex Re-Assignment: Some clients simply need relief from the harmful and embarrassing expressions of their birth gender and we're here to help. This can be done in a variety of ways depending on client needs. Stripping clients of their gender manifestations is a complex procedure involving both the mind & body. Some prefer to remain conscious and engaged, while others prefer to be "out". Diagnosis and treatment will determine my gender management plan, depending on individual client needs. An overall experience of docility, contentment & humility is guaranteed.

Annual Check Up: My comprehensive analysis was designed to efficiently diagnose and remedy underlying symptoms of dominant or controlling behaviour. I aggressively treat all symptoms of male ego, leaving clients with a renewed sense of obedience and deference.

Medical Waste Management: This treatment is specifically designed for persistent or extreme cases. Only available on the weekends, this treatment is sure to alter any and all indications of superiority. Clients are effectively turned into my medical waste basket during a milking procedure on a regular client. Research shows that objectification & humiliation are the only proven treatment methods for those with severe symptoms. This method can also be used as a preventative treatment for those interested in maintaining their current submissive vitality. 

The procedure involves full immobilization of the clients body with clear, medical wrap, this facilitates a lessening of the clients ideations of bodily control and autonomy. The client's head is inserted into the side of a medium sized garbage bin and their mouth is secured open. The visual perspective from the bottom of a garbage bin has proven to be an intensely reliable method. As the client sinks into a deep state of resignation, they witness the entirety of a milking procedure performed on another client, this involves several extractions which are then dumped into the waste bin. 

My highly effective procedures have been carefully curated to treat a variety of symptoms. I welcome you to join us throughout the month of November for a medical assessment you'll never forget.

The Nurse will see you now.

It’s almost as if Nurse Bastienne delights in the pain of your medical treatment.

How to Prep for Pegging

Read time: 2 minutes. Audio available with a subscription on Substack.

When prepping for a pegging scene, my best advice is to listen to your body. You know your body best, if you feel a little full then you probably are. Use an enema bulb a couple hours before your session, I prefer this one. Flush yourself out a couple times until the water is essentially clear. I run room temperature water then squeeze the air out of the bulb before suctioning the running water into it. You'll have to do this a few times to get the enema bulb full. Use Vaseline, or any lubricant, to insert the bulb and squirt the water inside. Make sure that the bulb is as full of water as possible (you don't want to pump air into your butt) and make sure that the water is room temperature, the skin inside your rectum is super thin and sensitive, don't burn yourself. Then you sit on the toilet and release! You can do this as many times as you need to.

Also, mind what you eat on the day before your session. You know what disrupts your digestive system the most so generally avoid those foods 12-24 hours prior to a pegging session. For many that includes dairy, spicy foods and sometimes carbs. Some people even fast for 12-24 hours before their session or eat very lightly. That's entirely up to you, some people find it very difficult to fast (myself included) so you do what works best for your body. No professional wants you starving yourself and showing up to a session hungry and tired so do what works best for you.

That's it. the main take-aways are to: 1) Get a feel for your body and 2) Get an enema bulb and give yourself a few flushes prior to your scene.  Remember, as long as you do your anal prep and show up freshly showered for your session, who ever you've chosen to see for this service, appreciates the effort. There's no fool proof way of ensuring zero mess and as a service provider we all 100% understand and except this. If we weren't cool with the chance of a little mess, we simply wouldn't be in this line of work or offering this service. Be considerate of your hygiene and then ...relax. For more detailed instructions, refer to the illustration below. Stay Fresh ;)

Audio version with more info here!

Or check out my pegging skills in action here!

Pegging prep infographic 1/7, page 2, page 3, page 4, page 5, page 6 and page 7.

Halloween Duos

Read time: 3 minutes

Trick.

You're invited to our Halloween party! Yes, you.

You're the first person to arrive and, by the looks of things, not the last. There's enough food here to feed 30 people. Generally you've known these women to be intimidating and somewhat indifferent with you so seeing this new, domestic side of your hosts is surprisingly comforting. Initial nerves are subsiding and you find a spot to park while you chat with your hosts.

You accept the offer of a drink and you're beyond excited for a few minutes of quality time before the other guests arrive. As Bastienne presents you with your drink, she motions for you to sip it first, feeding it to you as she tips your glass up. The liquid hits your lips before it pours down your chest, soaking through your shirt.

"Oh my god! What are you doing??" Bastienne squeals.

You apologize profusely and your face flushes but the last of their eye rolls are complete, they've moved on to chatting about the snacks. Your host picks up a hard candy, unwraps it and offers it to Bastienne, placing it in her open mouth. As you watch this, seemingly innocent feeding, you feel blood rush to your member, the familiar feeling of arousal. Bastienne catches your eye, "Tastes so good, want to try it?".  You nod and she sticks out her tongue showing you the wet candy, glistening in her mouth. "Open" she says then spits the used candy at your face as she stares you down.  Bastienne bursts out with a loud laugh. The thought occurs to you that perhaps you should defend yourself against this disrespectful treatment but the pulsing in the front of your pants won't allow that.

In fact, you start to think about what else you would be willing to consume.

Your mind is pulled out of the gutter and back into reality when someone asks if you want to try some of her Jello Mold. She's holding a spoonful of black, jiggly jello, smiling at you, waiting for your response. "Sure", you respond, reaching out for the spoon. Bastienne promptly knocks your arm down, catching your wrist. "Not entirely confident we can trust you to feed yourself". They giggle as one holds your arms and the other force feeds you dessert, making a mess all over your face and body.

The next hour is an absolute sensory assault.

You're out of breath and your body is wet and sticky with melted chocolate and beads of candy. By this point you have all four of their feet permanently etched in your memory after being forced to consume a thorough sampling of Halloween treats off of every inch of them. You recall them laughing hysterically as they took turns smashing whip cream into your face with the full weight of their bodies sitting on your face. Being offered some apple juice to wash it all down as they pull their costumes aside and release into your mouth.

Showered, dressed and standing in the cold autumn night outside, you realize, they're was never a party. There were no other guests. They just wanted to MindFuck you. With your pants feeling extra tight and a goofy smirk on your face, you swirl your tongue around your teeth and catch one last remnant of candy.

Treat.

Your body appears in the darkness, a sacrifice. A string of synapses waiting for permission to rest. The perpetual rhythm, suspended, at the peak of your deepest inhale. A full life lived in the moment between thoughts.

Your silent offering is our SUBMISSIVE SACRIFICE.

Deliberate & Meditative, we divest you of your trophies of comfort, minimized to your most sensitive form. Void of clothing, sounds, words, sight or faculty of your limbs, this is your Erotic Override. A chance to submerge into the cosmic femininity of this season, observing the ever thinning veil between your mind and our will. Our immersive conditioning will find you sleepily grasping at control in the dark, only to have each of your fingers carefully relieved, coaxed back to rest like a sleepwalking child.

The astronomical midpoint between the autumn equinox and winter solstice is the end of the pagan year. A festival of Darkness & Fire. The cold winter that lies ahead represents death & isolation, warm yourself by the fire of our ceremony. Align yourself with the virtue of our instincts. We will bathe you in fire, cleansing you of control, whispering in rounds until you are pure.

We are the ancestors of witches. Experience our Practice.

Hypnosis

Read time: 3 minutes.

I close my eyes, as directed. 

"What do you hear?" she asks. 

"The dogs playing, the air conditioner in the bedroom, you moving around on the chair," I respond.  A distant yet familiar feeling immediately presents itself under the darkness of my eyelids.  The thoughts slide into my mind, involuntarily.  The hope that my answer was correct, the fear of disappointing her, the familiar discomfort of vulnerability.  I feel a bit silly for succumbing so quickly and pull myself back, comforting myself with the understanding that my eyes are simply closed, nothing to fear.

"What else can you hear?" she asks as she begins slowly walking across the hardwood floor.  "Your high heels on the floor," I respond, trying to sound confident, still hoping that's the right answer.  "I need you to see with your ears, see me walking through the room," she says in her low, calming voice.  With that directive, I can see her.  The dark of my eyelids are lit up with the projection of her walking back & forth in my living room, my mind happily grants me the visual.  I can feel the arms of the chair under my hands, my legs touching each other, I wonder what my face looks like.  My mind starts to wander, musing over what it would be like to be blind, senses heightened, I can feel it.  I concentrate on the visual of her walking back & forth, though I lose track of where she is in the room.  My ears are trying to work as eyes but they're failing, I'm descending into the sensations of my body, the consistency of the shoes, walking across the floor.

I feel something in front of me, the rhythm of her pacing has stopped and I realize, she's here.  I can see a version of her face but it's washed out, almost like a watercolour, swirling as my mind struggles to generate an accurate image.  It suddenly becomes clear that there's no sense in holding on to the memory of the outside world and I immediately, involuntarily feel a release.  I melt into the dreamlike version my mind is presenting.  I realize she's been talking in that low, gentle voice this whole time. 

My inner narrative and her voice are speaking directly to each other. 

I witness her speaking to my inner world and I realize the beauty of this offer; I don't need words, I don't need eyes, I just need to surrender.  I'm seeing with my ears as she begins an inventory.  A gentle, methodical inventory.  I watch her speaking to my fears, pulling them out of the darkness.  As she gently pushes my body, she calls out to the corners of my mind. 

She is the authority and I am a witness.

There's a space now between my thoughts and the outside world and this is where she has positioned herself, my advocate.  She invites the negative thoughts, the doubts, the insecurity, the anger & fear to show themselves.  She calmly gathers them in this space and my mind can see her standing up to them on my behalf, all the things I couldn't face alone.  She assesses them objectively and decides that these things are not needed.  She turns around and invites me to banish them.  Her watercolour face asks my body to take action, a simple action to complete the work that she has just done.  As I stir from my stillness, I feel tears in my eyes and I act.  I banish them with a breath.  I step into the space that she created, replacing the watercolour version of her and now, I'M the advocate. 

The watercolour room becomes more vibrant, more solid and I open my eyes to the most caring, beautiful face looking at me.  I burst out crying and she immediately wraps me in a big hug.  In the quiet of the room and the visceral comfort of this connection I realize..

THIS is FemDom.

There is no strength comparable to this.  Steadfast compassion, quiet acceptance and kindness; these are simply the most valuable of human traits.  What a sorely needed reminder for me in my practice of BDSM.   I've recently been immersing myself, deeply, in humiliation based kinks and relishing in the cesspool of disgust and power they elicit in me.  I've been fueling recent scenes with genuine anger and I've lost my sense of balance.  True power is not physically or psychologically beating someone into submission.  True power is holding the most valuable thing in your hands and choosing to share it.  Every woman has this power within them, from the day they are born, until the day they die.  We are always the advocates of whatever form of power we choose. 

​Choose wisely.

My Love of Ballbusting Has Intensified

Read time: 1 minute

It's like being underwater for just a little too long, seeing the surface from below and realizing you're already out of breath as you float up, just a little too slow.  Your chest becomes concave & panic sets in.  There's the panic inside and there's the stillness outside.  The stillness & weight of the whole ocean holding you, an apathetic witness to your pain.  You're somehow aware of this stillness and the futility of your fear, even in the midst of the thousand fire alarms going off in your head.  ​

​The place where the water divides from the air becomes a fantasy, a day dream, as you draw closer in slow motion.  As you surface, your body draws in the most primal breath you've ever experienced.  This automated function has earned an amazing new level of gratitude from you, a new level of meaning.  You've been forcefully ejected from the mindless pattern you were in & suddenly find yourself in a new, beautiful world.  The ocean is warm & kindly embraces you, holding you to the surface, the place you were dreaming about.  The sun is bright & feels as though it will never set again.  You can taste the salt on your lips and you have no thoughts, just an overwhelming gratitude, a relief, a feeling of sinking back into the perfection of your painless body.

You are here.  You are alive.

I am the ocean.

I’m Into Everything

Read time: 1 minute

I smirk as I ask the man sipping my golden latte in a busy coffee shop, "So what are you into?" 

"I'm into pretty much everything" he responds with a smile.

SIGH.  I used to get excited when I got this answer, now I just feel irritated.  I've come to identify this response as the hallmark of the under-prepared novice.

I reply, "Cool, I LOVE ballbusting".

"Oh, not sure I'm ready for that!  Actually I'm not really into pain that much".  he replies.

Wah.  WAH.  You're not into pain yet here you sit with a Sadist.  You're into everything yet you won't let me kick you in the balls.  You want to "lose control" yet you have a very precise idea of what you want that I'm suppose to tease out of you.  That's fine, I will do that, I will cycle through fetishes you don't like and find the ones you do but this is your warning:  that is a very expensive way to get your kinky needs met.

Sounds of My Sissy

Read time: 1 minute.

You may not know this about me but I've got a sweet spot in my heart for sissies.  Like many fetishes, its origins are confusing.  Part of me loves the fact that a man is drawn to emulate a woman, they could do anything they want in the sexual spectrum and they choose to feminize themselves.  It's like a roundabout compliment in a way.  The other part of me resents that this is done as an act of humiliation for some.  Done behind closed doors, an embarrassing secret.  I suppose my role is to meld these two perspectives, to coax and seduce the sissy out from the darkness of shame and into the beauty and power of femininity.

I had an amazing session with my favourite sissy, let's call him Danielle.  He usually has a lovely, deep, soothing voice but that won't do for a sissy at all.  I dressed him in lingerie, blindfolded him and tied him to the bed.  Danielle is resistant to his nature so the restraints were more of a psychological aid than anything.  Danielle tries to revert to vanilla/hetero normative behaviour regularly, although he just doesn't belong there.  I want Danielle to come out and be my girlfriend, I want us to bask in feminine energy together and leave behind the ideas of what sex should look like.. and sound like.

With Danielle fully fixated on the sounds around him, I demonstrate.  I start playing with myself beside him, this is what a woman sounds like when she's turned on, beckoning arousal from others with her breath and subtle noises.  Danielle's turn.  She's resistant, giggling, uncomfortable.  Her laughter is met with my big, pink dildo being forced into her mouth.  Try again.  Danielle works well with discipline, she doesn't love gagging on that dildo with no way to resist, moaning seems the better option now.  She moans and I direct her to beg me.  Beg me to rub her wet clit so she can cum, cum with that nice, pink cock in her mouth.  It's all about positive association.  If she associates the positive sensation of an orgasm with the feeling of my strap on deep in her throat, she'll soon start to crave my cock all the time.  Just like I wanted.

Shelby’s Session Review

Read time: 2 minutes.

Introducing Shelby, a favourite little, sissy pet of mine.  She wrote this amazing description of our latest session.  Enjoy ... ​

Becoming Shelby.

I’ve seen Miss Bastienne quite a few times now (one could say I’m obsessed) and though every session with her is incredible, I felt an inspiration to share the phenomenal experience of our most recent rendezvous. We had talked about branding me before and today was the day I would get my sissy name from my Mistress. Once I was naked and vulnerable, I kneeled in place awaiting instructions from my owner. She looked absolutely beautiful as she always does and, as always, the moment she enters the room I’m mush. 

She starts off by petting her very eager slave and even mentions how happy and excited I look. She commands me to follow her down the hall and leads me into the room where our fun often takes place. She forces me to bend over the loveseat as she finds the perfect outfit for her slut to wear. She begins humiliating me with the most dominant yet playful Cuckold talk and explains everything she’s going to force me to do for the amusement of my Master and Mistress. Once I’m dressed in sissy attire Miss Bastienne reminds me of my safe words, she is truly just as caring as she is cruel. She begins by spanking me with her hands and proceeds to use different tools of the trade. The result was a stinging pink ass, but just hearing my beautiful mistress laugh made all the pain and discomfort worth it. She lubed up my sissy pussy and put a butt plug in me to make sure I was ready for her strap on. I was then granted permission to worship her feet and I must say though I started this journey being into any and all feet, there are no feet comparable to those belonging to Miss Bastienne. They are always incredibly soft and she always has the most pleasant aromas throughout her home and on herself. Still bent over with my panties slightly below my ass, she brings my face to her strap on. She begins by telling me to show her what I’m going to be doing for her boyfriend. I apologize for the length and constant segues but to truly appreciate these reviews you have to understand Miss Bastienne does not fake anything …her passion is genuine and her bubbly enthusiasm is contagious. She’s not a domme that has to force anything and her creativity comes so natural.

​After forcing her cock down my throat and thoroughly cleaning her feet with my tongue, she announces that she has chosen her sissy’s new name. She simply says “Shelby” and as humiliating as it was, to be branded by my Mistress was to be complete. Once I was named and officially her slut she began to slowly work her way into my sissy pussy with her strap on. Always hesitant at first it took a couple of pumps and groans but my Mistress was fully inside me. She is a master with her cock and every second of it was pure pleasure. She assumed a position I had never even imagined and was so deep inside me I was producing cum without even being fully hard or touched. Her rhythm kept me on constant edge and the position even allowed her to shove her feet in my face. I was in heaven and once she knew I was at my tipping point, still deep inside me, I received the command: “Cum for me”. The feeling started at the very tips of my fingers and toes, I was in a blissful nirvana detached from the world for a mere matter of seconds. Suddenly I feel the fingers of my Mistress covered in my sissy load being shoved into my mouth. It was a slap back to reality and I lapped my own juices own like an eager puppy. The taste was salty but as I said before…hearing her laugh makes it all worth it.

Shelby

Puppy

Read time: 1 minute.

As I wrapped his hands in duct tape I tell him that if he wants to act like an animal, I'll happily treat him like one.

"You want to make me happy don't you?"

"Yes Mistress"

"Puppies make me happy"

"Yes Mistress"

​I wrap the tape around his new paws a few times, I love the sound of duct tape stretching laid over the whimpers of a grown man.  I slip my leather belt around his neck as a make shift collar & leash. Everyone knows that training a puppy takes patience and mommy isn't feeling very patient today.

"You want to go outside?" I ask in a high, excited voice. "You wanna go pee-pee outside?"  He whimpers in agreement as I lead him to the bathroom.  I position him in the bath tub on all fours and scoot him to the back, making room for myself to stand. 

"Okay, we're outside now, I show you what I want you to do" I explain as I pull my panties to the side and relieve myself in front of his face.  He's panting as I step out of the tub.  I'm training him to clean me up when I make a mess so I extend my leg and lead his face to my inner thighs.  "Lick it up".  His tongue tries to wander further up, I smack him and with a stern "Bad dog" he learns an important boundary.  Like I said, Mommy doesn't have patience for nonsense today.

I'm coaxing him, asking him to be a good boy and pee for me.  He seems to be nervous so I wait, telling him to relax and lift his leg like a filthy dog.  Finally it starts, a steady stream of urine passing his duct taped paws into the drain.  When he's done, I lean down and whisper in his ear, "Does it look like we're outside?".  He goes silent and still, trying to determine the appropriate response.  I ask him again, "Does it look we're fucking outside?  Did you just piss in my house, you little shit?".  The whimpering resumes at a higher, faster pace.  I slip the belt off  his neck, double it over itself and hold it in my right hand as I grab the back of his head with the left, shoving his disobedient face into his own piss.  "Bad dog!  BAD dog!". 

I begin beating his ass with my thick leather belt as he whimpers in pain.  I left some lovely marks on his ass, a reminder of his training for the days to come.

Mean Girl Bully

Read time: 1 minute.

Fetishes come from somewhere real, somewhere hidden, some place that needs the sweetness of our sexuality to dilute the bitterness of the dark.  It moves first through the filter of our sexuality, then into our periphery.  From there we can choose to bring it into the foreground or let it dance in the corner of our eyes forever.

​Luna & I had an amazing session this past week with someone who had been bullied in High School.  He wanted us to dress like bratty teenage girls, teasing and verbally humiliating him while we deprived him of oxygen and spit in his face.  There's a big difference between a contrived fantasy and a deep kink.  Both are lovely, the later is breathtaking to witness.  I knew how to exact the difference out of this submissive, I asked "What did they call you?"  His immediate look of shame and down-cast gaze made my eyes dilate like a predator that just caught a glimpse of it's dinner.  That weak spot.  That dark place.  I'm in.

We proceeded to have an awesome session, genuinely making each other laugh at this guy’s expense.  We even waited until mid session to "steal his lunch money" aka the session fee.  He bounded into the other room so fast to grab his wallet, Luna & I howled with laughter.

After he left, I got a nice text from him saying that the whole session was amazing but his favourite part might've been standing at the elevator afterwards listening to us burst into genuine laughter down the hall after he had left.  These are my favourite kind of sessions.

More about erotic, mean-girl bully sessions here.

From Vanilla to Here

Read time: Infinite ❤️ thank you for coming back this far. This is my 1st post written as Bastienne in August 2017…

From Vanilla to Peanut Butter Crunch... 

When I started selling my panties online 3 years ago, I had no idea it would lead me here. Power has always been at the heart of my sexuality, it just took a little prompting for me fully accept that. Thankfully I've always attracted submissive men, although I didn't always know what to do with them...

Here's to accepting yourself, forcing beauty upon any situation and having fun in the process!  

Thanks for visiting my journal, stay tuned.

Bastienne